World jokes

• Apparantly 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese!So its either Me, my Mum, my Dad, my brother John or my brother Ching Chong Chow.But i think its John.
• A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure... In Africa they didn"t know what "Food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn"t know what "Honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn"t know what "Shortage" meant. In China they didn"t know what "Opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn"t know what "Solution" meant. In South America they didn"t know what "Please" meant. And in the USA they didn"t know what "The rest of the world" meant
• I found out today that there are over 1 billion Chinese people in the world......but if there are so many, how come I"ve only ever seen one?
• A man goes to the World Trade Center. He says "I want to buy a jumbo jet""We don"t sell jumbo jets here sir", was the reply."Well you"ve got one in the window!"
• Michael Owen is in a nightclub. He spots a gorgeous young lady in there, and he goes up to her, squeezes her arse and asks her if she fancies a shag.She says: "Blimey, you"re a little forward, aren"t you?"
• I"d like to leave this world like I came into it: Screaming, naked and covered in someone else"s blood!
• Did you know that the mobile phone is the only thing in the world which blokes argue over who"s got the smallest?
• It"s just like the old days for Gary Glitter.A world tour, a police escort, being forced to sign his autograph the second he steps off the plane.
• I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they"d never expect it.
• There are 3 types of people in this world...Those who can count and those who can"t.
• News Bulletin: all immigrants living in this country have decided to go back home, taking with them their foreign dress and languages. They are also going to pay back the millions of pounds they have received courtesy of the British tax payerCarlsberg don"t make the news, but if they did, then it"d probably be the best news in the world