Women jokes

• What is all the fuss about Islamic head-scarfs in schools? Surely, if you are a devout enough Muslim to want your daughter to wear the head-scarf, you would be devout enough not to want to educate women?
• Austrian Women are like good wine....left to mature in a cellar.
• My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.So now I have two.
• Dictionary For Womens Personal Ads40ish..............................................49Adventurous........................................Slept with all your matesAthletic...........................................No TitsAverage looking....................................Has a face like an arseBeautiful..........................................Pathological liarContagious smile...................................Does a lot of pillsEducated...........................................Fucked to death at collegeEmotionally secure.................................On medicationFeminist...........................................FatFriendship first...................................Former slut/born again virginFun................................................AnnoyingGentle.............................................DullGood listener......................................AutisticNew Age............................................Body hair problemsOld fashioned......................................No blow jobs or analOpen minded........................................DesperateOutgoing...........................................Loud and embarrassingPassionate.........................................Sloppy drunkPoet...............................................DepressiveProfessional.......................................BitchRomantic...........................................FridgidSocial.............................................Fanny like a clowns pocketVoluptuous.........................................Very fatLarge lady.........................................Hugely FatWants soulmate.....................................StalkerWidow..............................................Murderer
• Why do only 15 % of women go to heaven?Because if they all went, it would be hell.
• A mate of mine was explaining that the reason Muslim women wear veils is so that no man will find her sexually tempting. But surely that could be achieved much more easily by her NOT wearing a veil.
• Got home from the pub at 3 o clock this morning and the missus was waiting at the door with a rolling pin.I said "What the fuck you doing baking at this hour?"
• Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken.So, occasionally, when no one"s looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
• What"s long and hard and makes women groan?An Ironing Board.
• Women eh! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets, exercise but they won"t take it up the arse cause it "hurts".
• Things You Learn From Watching Porn Women wear high heels to bed. Men are never impotent. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he fucks her. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with spunk. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job. Women always orgasm when men do. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket. All women are noisy fucks. People in the 70"s couldn"t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background. Those tits are real. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman"s butt. Men always groan "OH YEAH" when they cum. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn"t disgusted!) Double penetration makes women smile. Asian men don"t exist. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won"t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend"s mouth. There"s a plot.When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass. Nurses suck patients cocks. Men always pull out. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she"ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you. Women never have headaches. When a woman is sucking a man"s cock, it"s important for him to remind her to "suck it" Assholes are clean. A man ejaculating on a woman"s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man"s pants and find a cock there. Men don"t have to beg. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman"s head and the other proudly on his hip.Pigtails = handlebars.
• Why do women keep telling me to "go fuck myself"? Surely they"ve realised that if I could fuck myself, I wouldn"t be putting my hands up their skirts in the first place.
• What"s black, has eight legs and makes women scream?Gang rape.
• Why are women like clouds?Because when they fuck off it"s usually a nice day.
• Wanna hear a joke? Women's Rights.