Wimbledon jokes

• Apparently, the inability of Tim Henman to get past a semi has always left his wife very sexually frustrated.
• So its Wimbledon week again. The British nation expects success...........and three days later we remember that we are shit at tennis.
• It has been announced in Zimbabwe that Robert Mugabe won Wimbledon
• Wimbledon 2009, Day 3 Report:History has been made here today at the All England Lawn Tennis Club. For the first time ever, all the Brits participating in Wimbledon are still in the competition after three days. We are all hoping that the rain will have stopped by Day 4...
• A resident of Dunblane was asked if he could remember that tragic day."It was terrible. Shots firing everywhere and nowhere to hide. Afterwards it was just total shock. No-one could understand how this could happen," he said, voice trembling, "but, hopefully, Andy will pull it together for Wimbledon next year!"
• Hearty congratulations to Venus Williams on beating Elena Dementieva to get to the final of Wimbledon.I mean have you looked at Dementieva? She"s gorgeous. How Venus managed to concentrate on her tennis with an erection is beyond me.
• I saw two black dogs chasing a ball across some grass today as they barked as loudly as they could at each other.Apparently, that"s tennis these days.
• According to a TV commentator today, there is "Nothing more painful than going out of Wimbledon live on TV." That"s an absurd exaggeration- what about a paper cut on the bell end?
• Tim Henman"s career move to the BBC has been a really good one, as this way he"s guaranteed a place at the Wimbledon final.
• A woman wakes in a hospital to find a doctor stood over her. She asks him what happened, to which he replies, "Madam, you were in a horrific car crash with your son and daughter and have just woken up from a coma."She says, "my son was an amazing footballer and could have been the next Pele. Where is he?"The Doctor replies, "he had his legs crushed and they had to be amputated.""And my daughter...she was a fantastic tennis player and could have won at Wimbledon. What about her"?He says "I"m afraid there was too much damage as she went through the window - we had to remove her arms."Emotionally crushed, the woman asks the doctor how long she had been in a coma and what date it was, to which he replied, "you were in a coma for six months, and today is April the first."She says, "April Fool"s day - so were you joking?""Ha ha, yeah... they both died on impact."