Welsh jokes

• How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass?Very satisfying.
• An Irish farmer moved to Wales and set up a farm in the town with the longest name in the world, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.Sadly, his sheep did not survive the branding.
• In order to promote safe sex the Welsh have started painting the legs of sheep that kick.
• Why are Welsh border collies the fastest of their breed?They know what happens to slow sheep
• One day, a Welshman came up with an idea that sheep intestines would make great condoms.Some time later, an English man thought it would be an even better idea to take the intestine out of the sheep first.
• Did you know the Welsh have found a new use for sheep?Wool
• How does a Welshman make a u-turn?By winking at her.
• The Welsh have just discovered a new use for sheep.Meat & Wool.
• What do you call a Welsh shepherd?A pimp!
• A Welshman, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Welshman took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Welshman had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear..."could you take the dog for a walk?"
• I was at work the other day when a bloke come up to me and said " I can"t do it!" "Do What?" I replied. "No matter how hard I try, I can"t do a Welsh accent. I just end up sounding like a paki" I said "well you"re just gonna have to keep practicing Ahmed"
• An Englishman, Welshman and West Indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys."There"s just one problem," she says. "Because they were all born at the same time, we got the tags mixed up and we don"t know which baby belongs to whom. Would you, as their fathers, mind coming to identify them?" The men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies.Immediately the Englishman stoops down and picks up the black baby. "Yes, this is definitely my baby," he says confidently."Um, excuse me," says the West Indian, "but I think it"s fairly obvious that this is my son."The Englishman pulls him aside and says, "I see where you"re coming from, mate, but one of these babies is Welsh and I"m not prepared to take the risk."
• A Little Welsh lad is practising his free kicks at Derby. He has one of those portable walls which he moves around to change the angle so he can shoot from different areas of the field. He takes 50 kicks at goal, every one finds the back of the net. Paul Jewel is watching in the stands and walks down to talk to the young man."How old are you son?" asks the Rams Boss"13" Replies the young fellow."Well I am very impressed with your shooting" continues Jewel "and I must say if you continue in this vein of form, when you get older you may be good enough to play for the Derby 1st team""Fuck off" said our hero "it"s bad enough being Welsh"
• An Englishman goes into a pub in Cardiff, goes up to the bar and orders a pint of lager."You"re not from round here are you?" asks the barman."No" replies the Englishman feeling all the men in the pub are staring at him."What do you do for a living?" the barman continues."I"m Taxidermist" replies the Englishman... "I stuff animals""Its ok lads!" the barman shouts "He"s one of us!"
• A welsh bloke is having a driving lesson. When the instuctor says "can you make a u-turn?", the Taffy replies "make a ewe turn? I can make its fuckin" eyes water"
• A student of criminal psychology decides to do his thesis on people who sexually abuse animals, and in particular, men who shag sheep. He takes a flight to Australia, and meets a sheep farmer and, amongst other things, asks him how he actually has sex with the sheep."Well its quite simple, cobber - you grab the bastard by the tail, hold tight and slip your cock in."The student later travels to New Zealand and asks a farmer there the same question."Ah, we"re with the Aussie jokers on that one - grab it by the tail, hold on and fuck it from behind."Finally, the student goes to Wales and asks a farmer there how he does it."Well it"s bloody awkward, see - first you find your sheep, then you finds a stone wall, then you grabs the sheep by the front paws, bend its back over the wall and fucks it like that."The Student replies "Why don"t you fuck it from behind like they do in Australia and New Zealand?""Fuck it from behind? How am I supposed to kiss it?"