Wedding jokes

• A Travellers wedding ends in a riot, the police arrest 20 for affray. The next day in court the judge asks the best man his version of events.......Judge: So then , please tell me your side of the story.BM: well your honour, it is travellers tradition for the best man to have the 1st dance with the bride, which i did....... ok i admit i was dancing very close to her but then suddenly out of knowwhere the groom runs at us and kicks his bride in the pussyJudge: Gosh says the judge that must of hurt..BM: Hurt.... he broke 3 of my fingers !
• What do you call a chav in a white shell suit? The bride.
• How do you know when you are at an Alabama wedding?Everyone sits on the same side of the church
• Why is marriage like a three-ring circus?First comes the engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring and finally comes the suffering.
• I felt a bit fed up today so to cheer myself up I watched my wedding video backwards.I love the end bit where I take my ring off, go back down the aisle , jump in the car and fuck off.
• Paddy takes his new wife home on his wedding night.She lies on the bed, spread-eagled, naked, and says, "Paddy....you know what I want.....""Yeah....the whole fucking bed by the looks of it!"
• "Mum, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies,"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father."Dad why are wedding dresses white?"The father looks at his son in surprise and says,"Son, all household appliances come in white."
• I used to hate weddings. All the old dears would poke me and say, "you"re next."They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals.
• Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought for a moment, and then said, "So why"s the groom wearing black?"
• Rock, paper, scissors:- To most of us it"s a game, but to Zimbabweans it"s a wedding list.
• At Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin"s wedding last week, I"m told all guests were searched for mobile phones and cameras.Nothing to do with them selling the pictures to the magazines, just what Scousers do.
• After a pikey wedding caused a mass riot recently, the best man ended up in court. In front of the judge, he was trying to explain the traditions of a "romany" wedding:Pikey Best Man: "Well, it was like this, your honour: as it is a custom for the best man to have the first dance with the bride, which I was, nice and close like, the groom comes over and kicks the bride in the cunt as hard as he could."Judge: "Gosh, that must have hurt."Pikey Best Man: "Hurt? You"re not kidding me - he broke three of me fucking fingers."
• A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the rather elderly salesman, "is there anything special I"ll have to do to take care of this ring?"With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "one of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater."