Vagina jokes

• What do you call the useless piece of skin around a vagina?A woman!
• Ten things men know about women:1. They have a vaginal opening.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10. Oh, and tits!
• I just found out my girlfriend is having her period..I caught her red handed...
• Anagrams.....ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters it becomesTWELVE PLUS ONEDESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters it becomesA ROPE ENDS ITDAVID GINOLA:When you rearrange the letters it becomesVAGINA DILDO
• A lady who lived on a hillUsed dynamite sticks for a thrillThey found her vagina In North CarolinaAnd bits of her tits in Brazil
• A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "can I smell your pussy?"The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "certainly not!""Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your Camel then".
• A woman was at home one afternoon when she heard a knock at the door. She answered it and it was a man who said "Do you have a vagina?" She screamed and slammed the door in his face. The next day she heard another knock on the door and when she opened it the same man said "Do you have a vagina?" So she slammed the door in his face again. She told her husband about this and they came up with an idea. The husband decided to take the day off work and if the man knocked on the door his wife would keep the man talking so that he could be confronted. Sure enough the next day there was a knock on the door and the same man said "Do you have a vagina?" "Yes I do" replied the woman. "Good" said the man "Then tell your husband to stop fucking my wife"
• A kid goes up to his dad and says, "what does a vagina look like?"His father says, "Son, before sex a vagina looks like a rose, with pink velvety petals, and the aroma of perfume."The kid says, "what about after sex?"His father says, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"
• With all the spam we get for penis-enlargement pills you"d think by now someone would have invented a pill to shrink vaginas instead.
• A married couple are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, it"s shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" Her husband replies, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." She asks, "What about the smell?" He says, "Hold its nose."
• What"s the difference between the army and a vagina?Discharge is a good thing from the army.
• What"s the difference between Sarah Palin"s mouth and her vagina?Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.
• I remember my first ever sex education lesson, quite a few years ago. There were explanations on where a man"s penis and a woman"s vagina are located, as well as a little more detailed explanation on the structures of the human genitalia.Looking back, however, I don"t think it was a good idea to show the kids the video of me raping the headmistress.
• Beer vs. Vagina1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.One point to BEER2.Warm beer tastes awful.One point to VAGINA3.A really cold beer is satisfying.One point to BEER4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit.One point to VAGINA5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There"s definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. I"ll just call it a DRAW for the time being.6. Ten beers in one night and you can"t drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don"t want to drive anywhere.One point to VAGINA7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend.One point to VAGINA8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer. One point to VAGINA9. You normally don"t find old beer.One point to BEER10. Too much beer and you"ll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and you"ll think you"ve seen God.One point to VAGINA11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun.One point to VAGINA12. In most countries there"s a tax on beer.One point to VAGINA13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off.One point to BEER14. You can always be sure if you"re the first one to open a bottle or a can. One point to BEER15. If you shake beer it"ll get all agitated but eventually it settles down.One point to BEER16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc... with vagina you also have a choice, white, black, asian, hispanic, and eskimo...Call it a DRAW17. You always know how much beer is going to costOne point to BEER18. Beer doesn"t have a motherOne point to BEER19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after youdrink itOne point to BEER20. Beer with yeast in it still tastes rather nice.One point to BEERFINAL SCORE: BEER: 11 VAGINA: 9That"s it! The matter is settled, the unfortunate yet tasty winner is: BEERPS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them.An extra point for BEER ((((((((sorry girls))))))))
• Man"s going down on his wife, and says "My god, you"ve got a big vagina. My god, you"ve got a big vagina."Wife says "Alright, I get the message, no need to say it twice!"Husband replies "I didn"t..."