Urine jokes

• Why does Paula Radcliffe always get to park in front of her own house?She leaves a yellow line in the road before she goes.
• Just got done for drink driving, was taken to police station where I was made to give a urine sample.Copper left sample on counter so I took it.Bastards have now charged me with taking the piss
• Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly. 2nd Child: Why are you crying? 1st Child: I came here for a blood test. 2nd Child: So? Are you afraid? 1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. At this, the second one started crying profusely. The first one was astonished. 1st Child: Why are you crying now? 2nd Child: I came for a urine test !
• Why did the condom fly across the room?Because it was pissed off.
• What do urine and American beer have in common?They both taste the same going in and coming out.
• A copper in London pulled over a driver who"d been weaving in and out of the traffic. He approached the car window and said, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser."The man reached into his pocket and produced a doctor"s note. On it was written: "This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath."The officer said, "OK then; I need you to come and give a blood sample."The man produced another letter. This one read: "This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way."So the officer said, "Right, I need a urine sample then."The man produced a third letter from his pocket.It read, "This man is an American. Please don"t take the piss out of him."
• I was in the Cinema the other day, and my mate got up and said, "I"m just nipping to the gents, you want anything?"I was like, "Yeah, I"d like a handful of piss please."
• If there"s one thing I"ve learned about women, it"s that they can"t stand pissing.
• I heard an olympic commentator asking, "Can anyone catch Usain Bolt?"Just take his urine sample more often, you"ll catch him in the end.
• I saw that "Drink Sensibly" advert earlier, the "You wouldn"t start a night like this, so why end it that way" one.It features the guy pissing all on the toilet seat and his shoes.I don"t know about the rest of you lads, but that"s normal for me!