Toilet jokes

• Why did the chav marry the toilet instead of a chavette?Because the hole was smaller and it smelt better.
• Disabled toilets.Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
• I was in the pub last night and I took advantage of a young girl.When she went to the toilet, I nicked her chair.
• An American and a Ukranian in front of the urinals. The American pulls out his huge cock and says proudly to the Ukranian: Buffalo Bill!The Ukranian pulls out three enormous cocks and says: Chernobyl!
• Two flies on a toilet seat,..one got pissed off.
• I saw a sign in a public toilet yesterday. It said "Please leave this toilet in the condition that you would like to have found it in". So I left a porno mag and a line of coke.
• The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toliet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn"t want to be rude, so I replied "Not too bad thanks."After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to?"Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?"The next thing I heard him say was "sorry mate, I"ll have to call you back. I"ve got some cunt in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."
• I hear stories about a new kind of toilet paper being sold.There"s a drawing of the prophet Mohammed on it and you get to colour him in!
• I"ll tell you what I really hate about my new Thai bride.She keeps leaving the toilet seat up!
• Doc: "Mrs Jones, the results of your tests are back, I"m afraid you have Gonorrhea."Mrs Jones (very embarrassed): "Er, I think I caught it from a toilet seat"Doc: "Well you must have been chewing it then, it"s in your gums"
• A husband asks his wife, "you never argue when I get mad at you. How do you always control your anger?""I clean the toilet.""How does that help?""I use your toothbrush."
• Confucius say "Man who walks away from toilet carrying bucket is taking the piss."