Tits jokes

• What do you look for in a good Bra?A cracking pair of tits, usually.
• I swept this bird off her feet today.Roundhouse kick to the tits usually does it.
• I love blind dates......because you can stare at their tits.
• A top British scientist has invented a bra that stops tits bobbing up and down and nipples from sticking out in the cold.His colleagues have kicked his fucking head in!
• Why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist?Because they could have easily fitted in another pair of tits there.
• According to Sebastian Coe, "There is no greater feeling than representing your country at the Olympics."Really? Surely having Angelina Jolie sitting on your cock, whilst you snort coke off Jessica Alba"s tits would feel greater?
• One evening a priest was sitting on a pew at the front of his church, quietly praying to the Lord. A hot blonde suddenly came in and the priest asked her, "what can I do for you, my child?"The blonde immediately jumped on him and said, "I want you now! Take me!""I beg your pardon?" the priest exclaimed. "Fuck me now," she said, "fuck me hard up the ass!"The priest by now was sweating and trembling at the sight of the blonde lifting up her blouse revealing a pair of huge tits."But, my child, you are in the house of the Lord!" the priest desperately replied. "I don"t care, take this horny virgin now you sexy son of a bitch!" the blonde exclaimed finally. The priest, now shaking, sweating terribly and feeling himself go hard, turned towards the front of the church and, looking up to the Lord, he cried "Jesus Christ, help me - what should I do?""DON"T JUST STAND THERE YOU STUPID IDIOT, GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING CROSS!" he replied.
• A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I"ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked."Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."
• What"s the worst thing about paedophilia?No titty wanks.
• A bloke goes in to work and finds his colleague sitting at his desk, chuckling and shaking his head. On asking, "what"s up?" his work mate says, "well, I had this really embarrassing Freudian slip this morning!" The bloke asks what a Freudian slip is and his pal explains that it"s when you mean to say something but what you actually say is what you"re thinking. He then gives his example: -"I was queueing at the train station ticket office and couldn"t help but notice that the girl behind the counter has a massive pair of hooters. They were real eye magnets! When I got to the window, instead of asking for a ticket to Tooting I asked her for a ticket to TITTING. She blushed, I blushed, I got my ticket and scarpered". The bloke laughs and says "Oh, I see. That"s funny!".The following day, the other bloke is sitting at his desk laughing to himself when his workmate walks in and asks, "what"s so funny?" The bloke replies, "I had one of your Freudian slips this morning. I was sitting at the breakfast table with the missus and I meant to say "pass the marmalade" but what I actually said was "FUCK OFF, YOU FAT BITCH, YOU"VE RUINED MY LIFE!"
• If any members of the Chinese Government or Olympic Organisers are reading this, I would like to make this firm statement on behalf of myself and millions of other Britons- We don"t give a fuck about Tibet. Now please get the beach volleyball started.
• Herb decided to propose to Sandi , but prior to her acceptance Sandi had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too. Herb looked Sandi in the eyes and said..."I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."She said, "Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."Sandi and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon.Herb whisked Sandi off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another... As Sandi put her hands in Herb"s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!""Yes, it is..." exclaimed Herb, "8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long."