Time jokes

• What time does Andy Murray go to bed?Tennish
• I awoke this morning with great sadness in my heart as I realised it was 9/11.I was sad because I was due in work at 9.....
• TOP TIPTo get sincere personal advice and the correct time, try calling a random telephone number in the early hours of the morning.
• Stephen Hawking has written another book. It"s about time.
• What"s the difference between a black and a white fairytale? White begins, "once upon a time," black begins, "y"all motherfuckers ain"t gonna believe dis shit!"
• How do you know when it"s bedtime in Michael Jackson"s house?When the big hand touches the little hand.
• What"s the definition of eternity?The time between when you cum and when she leaves.
• The history of human medicine:"I have a sore throat."2000 BC : "eat this root."1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer."1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir."1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, take this pill."1900 AD : "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial - here, why don"t you eat this root?"
• A man has been driving all night and he is exhausted, so he pulls in to a park to get a sleep in his car.He is just ready to get to sleep when his window gets knocked and a jogger is standing and asks the time to which the man replies "it"s 7 o"clock".So the man is just about sleeping again when his window is knocked on again and another jogger is standing and asks the same question to which the man replies angrily " it"s 10 past 7".The man now annoyed at the fact he can"t get to sleep takes a pen and some paper and writes "I do not know the time," and sticks the sign to the window.10 minutes later the man is dosing off when his window is knocked and a jogger is standing and the man shouts "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" and the jogger replies,"It"s half past 7."
• They say "time heals all wounds"...Doesn"t help amputees much though
• How do women tell the time?It"s on the stove, bitch