Tight jokes

• My girlfriend happens to be claustrophobic.Which is ironic because I love getting in tight spaces
• Why did the Jews wander the desert for forty years?One of them lost a pound coin.
• Home Secretary Jackie Smith has announced plans to tighten controls on the movements of paedophiles. I thought their movements were already restricted by the tightness.
• What"s faster than a speeding bullet?A Jew with a coupon.
• An Essex guy and an Essex girl are making out in his car when the girl says, "Put your finger inside of me!"He is only too willing to oblige."Put another finger inside of me!"So he does."Put your whole hand inside of me!" she says, moaning in pleasure."Now put both hands inside of me!" she screams."Now clap!" she gasps."I can"t clap!" replied the guy."Tight, aren"t I?" she smiles.
• A son from a poor family wins five million pounds on the lottery. He goes home and gives his dad five hundred quid.The old man looks at the cash and says, "thanks, son, this money will mean a lot to me. We"ve never had much in this family, we"ve always been poor. You know, I couldn"t even afford to marry your mother.""What!" exclaims the son, "you mean I"m.......well.......a bastard?""Yep," replies his dad, "and a fucking tight one, too."
• Why do jewish families have double glazed windows?So the children can"t hear the ice-cream van
• At a meeting in a synagogue, Yossef asks the Rabbi, "Rabbi, why do people hate us so much?"The Rabbi says, "That"s an interesting question. How about we all talk about it tomorrow over some vodka. Each one of you should bring a bottle so we can mix it in a big pot and drink and discuss, and the answer will become clear."Yossef went home and thought to himself, "If everyone else is going to bring a bottle of vodka, if I bring a bottle of water then no-one will notice the difference."And water was what he brought.The Rabbi poured all the vodka together in one pot and started mixing it.Yossef got anxious. "Well, Rabbi, what is the answer to my question? Why do people hate us so much?"The Rabbi filled a cup and said, "Drink this Yossef."Yossef did and said, "But this is water!""And this is why the people hate us."
• What"s the difference between Madeleine and a Jew?One"s a tight arse.....
• Why are synagogues circular?So Jews can"t hide in the corner when the collection plate is passed around.
• How does Santa know when he"s at a Jewish house?There"s a parking meter on the roof.
• I pulled a girl at a nightclub and she took me back to her place.I was really drunk but I still managed to fuck her.While we were fucking I said to her, "you"ve got no tits but your fanny is so tight."She said, "get off of my fucking back."