The jokes

• Firefighters are on standby at the Swan Vesta factory after the workers threatened an all out strike.
• Why do men prefer women with big tits and tight pussies?Because most men have big mouths and small dicks.
• What do Kermit the frog and Henry the eighth have in common?They both have the same middle name.
• Why did the chicken cross the road?Because a nigger sat next to him at the bus stop.
• How is it you can throw a burnt match out of a car window and start a forest fire, but you can use two boxes of matches, a box of fire lighters, 500ml of lighter fuel and a Sunday paper but still can"t light the fucking BBQ?
• An undertaker comes home with a black eye."What happened to you?"asks his wife."I had a terrible day,"replies the undertaker."I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep.When i got there,the manager said they couldn"t get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.Anyway,i find the room and,sure enough,there"s this big,naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection.So i did what i always do;I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half.""I see,"says his wife."But how did you get the black eye?"The undertaker replies,"Wrong room."
• When are a mother-in-law and a beer both at their best?When they"re cold,on a table and opened up.
• What"s tight and loose at the same time?A Jewish rape victim
• Why does Rupert The Bear wear tartan trousers?Because he"s a cunt.
• Whenever I buy a DVD I have to sit through a trailer telling me not to watch pirate movies. Yet Johnny Depp stars in one and the posters all say "Must See". Make your minds up Hollywood.
• How does every Alzheimer"s joke start?Doesn"t really matter, we all know how they bloody end.