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Tea jokes

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea, you never get that tea.
Viagra has just been released in powdered form -I put some in my tea today, it did nothing for my sex drive but......It stopped my biscuits from going soft
New studies show that women who drink tea are twice as likely to get pregnant.Related studies have revealed that women who drink Long Island Ice Tea are twice as likely to wake up in the back seat of a Ford Capri with sticky hair.
How many sugars does Stephen Hawking take in his tea?*Blinks twice*
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day.So I said "Gooo....Anddd...Makee...Meee...A...Cuuppp....Offff....Teaaaa"
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning.The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first.The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job.The wife said that even the Bible says that the man should do it.The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it.She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews"
A blonde walks into a coffee shop and orders a cup of tea, and complains to the brunette, "Why does my eye hurt when I take a sip of my tea?" The brunette replies, "You might want to take the spoon out!"
Two rats in a sewer. The first one says, " I"m sick of this, turds for breakfast, turds for dinner, yet more turds for tea and - Fuck Me! - guess what? A turd for supper."And the other rat says, "don"t worry, tonight we"ll go on the piss."
How many women with PMT does it take to change a light bulb?YOU TELL ME MR SMARTARSE!! AND IF YOUR SO SMART YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING TEA!!I"M GOING TO MY MOTHERS!!
I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.ME: Hello.AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.ME: Is this AT&T.AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...ME: This is AT&T.AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...ME: Is this AT&T.?AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?ME: May I ask who is calling?AT&T: This is AT&T.ME: OK, hold on.At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.ME: Hello?AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?ME: May I ask who is calling, please?AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...ME: This is AT&T?AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...ME: The phone company.AT&T: Yes, sir.ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.ME: I already have a phone.AT&T: We aren"t selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.ME: Now, that"s 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that"s right! 24 hours a day!ME: 7 days a week.?AT&T: That"s right.ME: 365 days a year.?AT&T: Yes, sir.ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That"s amazing!AT&T: We think so!ME: That"s quite a sum of money!AT&T: Yes, sir, it"s amazing how it adds up.ME: OK, so will you send me cheques weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?AT&T: Excuse me?ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.AT&T: What are you talking about?ME: You said you"d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I"m just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn"t mean we"d be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you"ll give me 10 cents a minute, that I"ll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I"ve read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute forME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?AT&T: Sir, I don"t think that is necessary.ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?ME: Yeah.SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.ME: Is This A T &T?SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone toget back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I"ll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.ME: Thank you.I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family"thing because I"m an only child and I"d really like to have a little brother...AT&T: click........
Barry and his vegan friend Sam were drinking tea one afternoon.After they had finshed Barry asks "Did you enjoy that tea?", to which Sam replied, "Yes it was lovely." "I have something to tell you", Barry starts, "there was cows milk in that tea".Furious, Sam leaves...Next week Barry was over in Sam"s house for tea. "Hey Barry, did u enjoy that tea?" "Yes....", he replies."I have something to tell you..." Says Sam, "....I fucked your wife."