Tattoo jokes

• My ex-girlfriend had a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, I swear you can smell the ocean.
• Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?" Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a Fifty Pound note on my privates," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a Fifty Pound note tattooed on his privates?" "Well, for one...I like to watch my money grow."Two...once in a while I like to play with my money. "Three...I like how money feels in my hand. "And, lastly...instead of you going out wasting money on shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow Fifty quid anytime you want." Larry is recovering nicely in the hospital...
• This Big black prostitute who was also a Chelsea fan, got a tattoo of John Terry and Frank Lampard on the inside of her thighs.She says to her punter "If you can guess who they are you get a free shag". He looks to the left and then to the right and says "I dunno who those ugly bastards are but the one in the middle with the fat lips and curly hair is Shaun Wright-Philips!
• What do you say to a Bolton fan with a fit bird on his arm?"Nice tattoo"
• Whenever I go on the pull, I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo and I think "here"s a bird who"s capable of making a decision she"ll regret in the future."
• This gay bloke tells his boyfriend that he has got a nice new tattoo on his arse as a special treat for him, so anyway he pulls his pants down and bends over to reveal Mike Tyson on the right cheek, and Lennox Lewis on the other, his boyfriend shrieks "Oh, my god, there"s no way I"m getting into the ring with those two fuckers!"
• Elton John goes to a tattooist and says "I want a Rolls Royce tattooed on my cock"."You"d be better off with a Land Rover" replies the tattooist, "it won"t get stuck in the shit".
• A married man keeps telling his wife "Honey, you have such a beautiful butt". Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful butt. The man"s birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words "Beautiful butt" tattooed on her ass.She walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful butt. He looks and says, "You do have a beautiful butt". She then tells the man she wants Beautiful butt tattooed on her ass. The man tells her "I can"t fit that on your ass, it takes up too much space. But I tell you what, I will tattoo the letters BB on each cheek and that can stand for beautiful butt. She agrees and gets it done.On the man"s birthday she hears him come home and is only wearing a robe. She then stands at the top of the stairs. He opens the door and she says "look honey." She then takes off the robe she is wearing, bends over, and the man yells "WHO THE FUCK IS BOB?"!
• Jim went to the tattooist and had "I LOVE YOU" tattoed on his dick. When he got home he showed his wife. "There you go again", she said, "trying to put fucking words in my mouth".
• When my grandmother lived in the USA she had to take my mother to the circus if they wanted to see a fat lady and a tattooed man - now they"re fucking everywhere