Sperm jokes

• How do you know if you have a high sperm count?When your wife has to chew before she swallows.
• A blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculatesonly 10% of that actually goes into its mateever wondered why the sea tasted so salty?
• News just in. the NHS are now paying 60 pounds for sperm donations... which makes the old towel under my bed worth a few grand
• My condom split on me last night.It was terrible, there was spunk all over my keyboard.
• Scientists have discovered that there is intelligent DNA in some women. Unfortunately 95% of them spat it out!
• The NHS has announced that all sperm banks in Manchester and West London will close for the next 7 days as all the wankers will be in Moscow.
• Sperm Donation..... Its a Cash in Hand Job
• 10 million sperm cells.And George Bush was the fastest... i bet his mother felt cheated out of 9 months.
• What is the difference between Essex Man and Essex Woman?Essex Woman has a higher sperm count.
• Two Irishmen had a nightmare day visting the sperm bank in London. Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus.
• A blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates.Only 10% of that actually goes into its mate.Ever wondered why the sea tasted so salty?
• A 75-year old man went to his doctor"s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor"s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand - nothing. Then with her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?"The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn"t get the fucking jar open!"
• I"ve tried to help childless couples by making anonymous donations of my sperm.However, I"ve now been told I should really be doing this through a clinic and not straight through their letterboxes.
• A girl takes a dress into the dry cleaners and asks for it to be cleaned.The man, who is a little deaf, says, "come again?"The girl blushes and replies, "NO, IT"S YOGHURT this time."
• Just been down the new sperm bank in town, they actually pay you for your sperm!When I think of all the money I"ve let slip through my fingers over the years...
• I had an appointment at the sperm bank today, but I had to call up to say I couldn"t come.
• I went to a bukakke party the other day..... I don"t know what came over me!
• When I heard the local IVF clinic was paying for sperm donors I thought "wow", my daughter"s covered in liquid gold!!
• Q: How do cancel an appointment in the sperm bank? A: Just call them and say you can't come.