Spain jokes

• Britain falls behind the rest of the world in aviation.Spain manages a respectable 150 plus dead in a single plane crash, while we can only drum up 5 deaths when two planes collide.
• How many spaniards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ... Just Juan.
• The plane in Spain falls mainly on the runway.
• 168 British holidaymakers have had a lucky escape after their Ryanair flight to Spain was forced to make an emergency landing in France.They narrowly avoided two weeks of greasy food, crap music, pissed-up Club 18-30 morons and an incurable case of chlamydia.
• The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise wasprecipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France"s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country"s military capability. It"s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
• I can"t fucking stand Mark Lawrenson. If I want someone to constantly interrupt my enjoyment of the football with pointless, witless, ill-informed shite then I"ll get a girlfriend.
• I was watching the final on Sunday with a bunch of Italians-at first they were all supporting Germany, but they all changed sides half way through when Germany started losing. Who says history doesn"t repeat itself?
• I was on holiday last week in Spain and somebody spiked my cocktail with Viagra. I didn"t know if I had a pina colada or a penis enlarger.
• A holidaymaker was in a restaurant in Spain, trying to decide what to order, when he saw another customer receive a platter with two giantic steaming balls of meat. He asks the waiter what these are: "Bull cojones, senor!, from ze bull fight!"The man likes the look of these, and decides to make an order for the pair of bollocks from the following week"s bullfight.Sure enough, he turns up the next week, and receives a covered platter, and upon opening this he finds two tiny steaming balls, much smaller than the ones he had seen. He asks the waiter why his are so much smaller than last week"s, and the waiter replies:"Sometimes, senor, ze bull, he win!"
• Vietnam, Thailand, Hong Kong.Why couldn"t Glitter have fucking decided to fly to Spain?
• Spanair have introduced some new menus on their Madrid flights this week.So far they"ve gone down well with the passengers