Space jokes

• They say that, in a few years time, space travel will be affordable to the masses. I plan on taking my daughter and her friends on a trip. Apparently, in space no-one can hear you scream.
• I took my kids to the National Space Centre today.There was fuck all there.
• NASA are planning to send the first black astronaut into space. The crew of the International Space Station where he will be heading are said to be unable to get a decent shine on their boots.
• What have Stamford Bridge and space got in common?Loads of stars and no atmosphere.
• I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, "Oi, what"s your disability?"I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!"
• When Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind statement but followed it by several remarks, usual between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Jones".Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Jones in either the Russian or American space programs.Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Jones statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.Four years ago, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Jones had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors" bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Jones. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Jones shouting at Mr. Jones."Oral sex? You want oral sex? You"ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
• The Moon has no atmosphere.Neither does Skegness, but we don"t spend millions of pounds going there to find out.
• A Russian, an American, and a Irishman were talking about how good there countries were. The Russian said, "we were the first in space!"The American said, "we were the first on the moon!"The Irishman said, "so what? We"re going to be the first on the sun!"The Russian shook his head and said, "you can"t land on the sun, you idiot! You"ll burn up!"To which the Irishman replied, "we"re not stupid, you know. We"re going at night!"
• I"ve just seen the footage of the first Chinese in space. That"s an impressive delivery service! Mine takes upto an hour to come 3 miles lazy bastards!