Son jokes

• "Mum, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies,"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father."Dad why are wedding dresses white?"The father looks at his son in surprise and says,"Son, all household appliances come in white."
• A half Jewish, half black Kid asks his Mom"Mom, am I mostly Jewish or mostly black?""That"s a dumb question" she replies "Go bother your Dad, already"Off he goes - "Dad, would you say I"m mostly Jewish or mostly black?""You"re just you, son, why are you asking dumb-ass questions like that?""Well, my friend"s selling his bike for 50 bucks and I don"t know whether to Jew him down to 25 or just wait until dark and steal the fucker"
• This political correctness has gone mad. I can"t even refer to my child as "my disabled son". Apparently the correct term these days is "daughter".
• Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?They know Jewish women can"t resist anything with 10% off.
• A bloke is watching TV, his wife is out at bingo. As he is settling down his son, who was watching TV up in his room, appears in the doorway. "Dad, what"s love juice?"The dad chokes on his beer and thinks, "Well he is 12 now perhaps I should explain"."Well son" he says, "soon you will meet a girl who you fancy, you will become exited, your willy will get very hard."The dad gulps and carries on. "You will touch the girl all over and when you reach the top of her leg it will feel wet, this is her love juice coming out of her vagina, it means she is ready for sexual intercourse." The son looks curious and says, "Ok dad thanks." As he is leaving the room the dad says, "Hang on son, what are you watching up there to make you ask that?"The son replies "Just the Tennis."
• A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"Dad says, "You are my son, I"m confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That"s confidential."
• A convicted drug dealer is in prison, and his father, an old farmer, comes to visit. His father explains that they are having problems."Son, the ground is frozen. It is too hard for me to dig myself at my age, but I can"t afford extra men or to hire machines- I don"t think we will be able to plant crops this year, which will mean we will go bankrupt and lose the farm."Later the prisoner goes back to his cell and writes a letter to his father- " Dear Father, please be aware that a good friend of mine will be visiting soon. There is a large quantity of stuff he is collecting. It is hidden on the farm, he will know exactly what to do." Some weeks later the prioner"s father comes to visit. "Well, son, your friend never showed up, but before I even got your letter the police came round, searched the whole house and dug up all the land around, but they didn"t find anything." The prisoner smiles, " Happy planting, dad."
• A lad comes home from school and asks, "Dad, what"s a cunt?"His Dad slaps him and tells him not to be so rude, but the lad begs him as his mates are all taking the piss out of him for not knowing.Feeling sorry for him, the dad looks down and says, "follow me son."They walk into the bathroom where the wife is in the bath."You see that black hairy thing in between your mothers legs, son?""Yes, Dad," the lad replies."Well that"s a fanny, the rest of her"s a cunt"
• A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...because this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...because we"re going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don"t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train .... but I want you to use nice language."Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say..."All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay.....please see the bitch in the kitchen...."
• A desperate man calls 999, "Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!"After five minutes, the same man calls back, "It"s OK, I found another one"