Smoking jokes

• A survey has shown that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
• Graphic warnings will appear on cigarette packets this week including rotting teeth, a corpse, and a body cut open.A picture of Amy Winehouse then?
• What do you do if your daughter starts smoking?Use more lube
• British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray
• Typical - the smoking ban comes into force and yet Muslims can still light up in airports.
• Cancer cures Smoking.
• Smoking seriously harms you and others around you.Smoking for a laugh is fine.
• What should you do if your little girl starts smoking?Slow down and use a lubricant.
• Having given up smoking two weeks ago, I decided to take the advice from a health magazine which suggested starting a hobby, so I started doing pottery lessons. And the first thing they taught me to make?... An ashtray.
• Social Services have been round to take my son off me.Apparently I misunderstood; A child needs lots of TLC, not THC.
• After reading that "smoking caused cancer in laboratory rats and mice", I have decided to leave my cigarettes on a high shelf, where the rats and mice can"t get them.
• The Government today have started printing pictures of dead people and smokers" lungs on packets of cigarettes to deter people.I"m not a smoker, but I think I will start just so I can collect the set.
• My wife once asked me how I could sleep knowing I was killing myself by smoking."It"s easy," I said, "I know I"m killing you through passive smoking."
• Smoking isnt that bad for you - there"s nothing wrong with my lung.
• Don"t you hate it when you"re driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick your cigarette out the window, and you drive for a couple more miles, and you smell something funny, and you look over into the back seat, and sure enough............ Grandma"s fingering herself again!
• Two old ladies are having a cigarette outside the old folks home and it starts to rain. One of them suddenly pulls a condom out of her handbag, unravels it and puts it over the cigarette so it doesn"t get wet."Ooh, what"s that, Betty?" the other asks."It"s called a condom, they sell them at the chemist"s dear," she answers.So the other goes to the chemist"s and, when asked for a condom by such an elderly lady and seeing an opportunity for mirth, the young oik behind the counter smirks and asks, "so what would you like, a ribbed one, a French tickler, flavoured?""Oh, I don"t mind, dear, as long as it fits a Camel."