Slut jokes

• In days of old, it took a hardy able-bodied man to work the mines for gold.Nowadays, even a one-legged woman can be a gold-digger and make a much bigger profit from it...
• A slut is a woman who sleeps with everyone.A bitch is a woman who sleeps with everyone but you.
• I used to know this right dirty girl that everyone called "Doctor Who".She had a box that looked normal on the outside, but was fucking enormous once you got into it.
• What does an Essex girl say after sex?"Thanks, lads."
• A friend of mine tried to talk to me into going to a party tonight. "Come on," he said, "you might meet the woman of your dreams."I said no. I"m not sure I want to be seen in public with that filthy slut.
• My daughter"s new school uniform is really quite slutty.That"s just one of the benefits of home-schooling.
• What"s the difference between Heather Mills and your car?You don"t burst out laughing whenever your car has a breakdown.
• The other day I was in the pub having a few quiet beers by myself. The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I"ve ever laid eyes on - 5"9"" tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show. After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down.She said "Hi", and I said "Hi" in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down. "So, does that make you feel good?" she asked. "I"ll bet you feel good," she continued. "In fact, I"ll bet you"ve never felt this good before.""Well, I have," I corrected her. "You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good."I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast."How do you feel now," she purred."Okay," I replied.Again, she said, "I"ll bet you do. In fact, I"ll bet you"ve never felt THIS good before!"Unbelievably I heard myself saying, "Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, palmed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, cipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds until full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and...""Ahhh..." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, and pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt. My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton, and she was wet!!She snapped, "Well tell me this, Smart Ass... have you ever felt such a cunt?""I certainly have," I answered, "I missed the kick!".
• A woman goes to see a Priest one day. She has just fallen pregnant with her 9th child."I don"t know why I keep getting pregnant," she says, "it must be something in the air.""Yes," replied the Priest, "your legs."
• Got in a bit of trouble with the missus last night. She asked me, "where would you most like to be buried?"She slapped me when I replied, "I"d like to be buried up to my balls in your slutty sister"
• Police have decided not to charge Shannon Matthews"s biological father in relation to her false kidnapping."It"s not that we can say for sure that he wasn"t involved," said a police spokesman, "It"s just that we can"t figure out who the fuck he is."