Sleep jokes

• Some mornings I wake up bitchyOther mornings I let her sleep.
• My hamster died today.......silly bastard fell asleep at the wheel!!
• I slept like a Log last night........i fell asleep in the fireplace
• Women can sleep with whoever they want; men have to sleep with whoever will let them
• What is soft and warm when you go to bed but hard and stiff when you get up?Vomit
• My Dad was a taxi driver and he died peacefully in his sleep......Unlike his passengers, who died screaming.
• The best thing about being a hunchback is the ability to rock yourself to sleep at night.
• I slept through the alarm this morning, good thing it was only a small fire.
• I still occasionally have a wank over the ex - I have the keys to her flat and she"s a heavy sleeper.
• I don"t see the problem with premature ejaculation.I mean, sex AND an early night!
• Woman: Would you get married again? Man: Definitely not! Woman: Why not -- don"t you like being married? Man: Of course I do. Woman: Then why wouldn"t you remarry? Man: Okay, I"d get married again. Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face) Man: (audible groan) Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed? Man: Where else would we sleep? Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do. Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs? Man: No... she"s left-handed.
• Three men go on a skiing trip and book into a lodge. The lodge is overbooked so they discover that they all have to share a bed.The next morning, when they woke up, the fellow on the left side says "That was wierd. I had a dream that this beautiful woman was jacking me off last night!".The fellow on the right "You know what"s wierd? I had the exact same dream!"The bloke in the middle suddenly looks worried."What"s wrong?" ask his pals.He replies, "Last night I dreamt I was skiing..."
• I"d never heard but apparently you"re supposed to warn women when you"re about to cum. Before I found out, I came on this women and she was furious! She just kept shouting, "Oh for god"s sake!" and "I was sleeping!", "Who are you? How did you get in my house?" Honest mistake.
• A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I"ve got a big problem doctor. Every time we"re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.""My dear," the shrink said, "that"s completely natural. I don"t see what the problem is.""The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."