Slag jokes

• I saw that Shannon Matthews walking round town all on her own the other day. This really angered me, I hate stray dogs.
• What do you call a 12 year old, female chav?Pregnant.
• Why did the woman cross the road?More to the point why the fuck is she out of the kitchen?!
• According to a newspaper report, being thankful and gracious may help to extend your life.So thanks to the girl who gave me herpes.
• A slut is a woman who sleeps with everyone.A bitch is a woman who sleeps with everyone but you.
• What does an Essex girl say after sex?"Thanks, lads."
• Skimpy black dress: £60Sparkly shoes: £80Expensive make-up: £45Nightclub ticket: £10Seeing the look on her face as she wakes up in a filthy flat, covered in semen, you next to her with a massive grin on your face - priceless.There are some things money can"t buy - in which case, use ROHYPNOL.
• Michael Owen is in a nightclub. He spots a gorgeous young lady in there, and he goes up to her, squeezes her arse and asks her if she fancies a shag.She says: "Blimey, you"re a little forward, aren"t you?"
• 17% of 16 year olds have had more than one sexual partner...... Now I"m not judging, but they"re most probably slags.
• A woman gets into a taxi with her 8 year old kid.The driver takes them through a red light district.The kid asks his Mum, "Why are all those ladies standing shivering in the street?"Blushing, his mum replies, "They"re all waiting for taxis to take them to a party."Abdul the driver chips in, "Tell the kid the truth lady: they"re all drug crazed hookers who get down for a dog if the price is right."The kid asks his Mum, "Do these ladies have children?"The Mum replies, "Yes dear, they grow up to be taxi drivers."
• I told the wife I was going to get her diamonds for Christmas. She said nothing would please her more. So I"m getting her nothing instead.
• What"s the difference between a chav girl and the Grand Old Duke of York?The Grand Old Duke of York only had ten thousand men.
• I was talking to this Essex lass the other day about our heritage and she was saying she had a bit of German, a bit of French, a bit of Spanish and a bit of English in her. I was quite amazed.......... turned out she"d slept with the Arsenal squad.
• What did the left thigh of an Essex girl say to her right thigh?Nothing, they"ve never met!