Sister jokes

• I had a horrible childhood.Raped and abused by my dad until the age of 14.My sister had it worse though.Me and dad would take turns at her.
• I hit my nephew yesterday....My sister was absolutely hysterical..but then I was in an Audi and he was playing in the driveway.....
• My wife suggested that to spice up our sex life we have a threesome. She looked at me with a sly look in her eye and said if we wanted to, she could call her best friend, or alternatively, if we felt really kinky, we could call her step-sister. Well, lets just say that it was the best night of my life for many years!I called them both, left the three of them to get on with it, and fucked off down the pub to watch the football.
• What upsets a Muslim more than insulting his prophet? His sister refusing him sex.
• Who says men can"t multi-task?I can fuck my girlfriend and think about her sister at the same time.
• I slept with my girlfriend"s younger sister.She found out and said, "You disgust me."I said, "We never discussed you at all."
• Non-alcoholic beer is like licking your sister"s twat, it tastes the same but it just ain"t right.
• Last night, my wife asked me if I wanted to share what our fantasies are with each other! She told me hers, having sex in a public place. When I told her mine she threw me out! Apparently, gagging her sister and forcing her to take it up the arse isn"t appropriate!Women, eh?
• My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near anyone else.One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn"t overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.Well, I was in total shock, and couldn"t say a word. She said, "I"m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."I was stunned- frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. She pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn"t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."And the moral of this story is:Always keep your condoms in the car!
• I had the fright of my life this morning. I woke up in my hotel room, turned on the T.V and this televangelist came on.He said, "you may not know this, but today you have already sinned."I thought, "I"ve just woken up - what the hell could I have done?"I turned to my sister and she hadn"t got a clue either.
• The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude, but eventually his turn came.Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn"t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was."It"s a period," reported Johnnie."Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period.""Buggered if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the man next door shit himself."
• I was reunited with my long lost sister today. As soon as we saw each other the tears started to flow - we remembered we"d shagged each other senseless at a party last year.