Shower jokes

• I got caught in a shower last week.Thats the last time I try to fuck the plughole.
• Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic?Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower.
• What is the difference between a bar of soap and a Jew?A bar of soap lasts longer than one shower.
• One day little Johnny needed to use the bathroom really bad, so he rushed on in. At the same time his mom was getting out of the shower, and he looked down to see her hairy bush. Little Johnny pointed and asked "What is that?" The mom thought for a second and replied "Thats my ummmmm, black sponge." Johnny was satisfied with this answer, used the bathroom, and left.The next day the mother was washing the dishes when Johnny came running up to her, "Mommy mommy can I see your black sponge again?" Thrown off by this the mother replied "Ummmm no, I lost it just a little while ago." Johnny was again satisfied with this answer and went out to play. About an hour later Johnny came running back into the house screaming, "Mommy mommy I found your black sponge." The mother was shocked and replied, " Really.....where?" Johnny pointed outside "Mrs. Johnson the next door neighbor lady is cleaning daddys face with it."
• This VW Bug pulled up beside this Rolls at a red light, rolled down his window and asked the Rolls driver, "You got a telephone in that Rolls?" "Matter of fact I do, right here on the seat beside me." said the Rolls driver. "Me too," said the VW Driver, "You got a TV in that Rolls?" The Rolls, "Yes I do, right here on the dash." "Me too," said the VW, "You got a twin bed in the back seat?" Rolls, "No, I do not." "I do" said the VW as the light turns green and he takes off. The Rolls manages to get the license number. The Rolls heads straight to the Auto Accessory Store not to let the VW Bug out do him. "Yes" the accessory attendant said, "We do carry and can install a twin bed in the rear seat of your Rolls." So, after about a week the Rolls driver picked up his Rolls with the newly installed twin bed and immediately set out to locate that VW Bug. He finally located it parked in the park near the river. As he pulled up beside it he noted that the windows were all fogged over. Knowing what causes this he waited a few minutes. Finally he got out, walked over to the VW, knocked on the window, no response. He waited another few minutes, knocked on the window again. The window lowered a couple inches and the driver said, "Yes?" The Rolls driver said, "I wanted you to know that I have a twin bed in the back seat of my Rolls now." The VW frowns and says, "You get me out of the shower just to tell me that?"
• A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions). The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody"s watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I"ll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully." The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy teddy. 4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store. The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I"ll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I"ve done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I"m only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
• Why don"t Jews shower?They"re not falling for that again!
• How To Shower Like a womanTake off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband looking, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah Scrunchie and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it"s clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband looking once again, cover up any exposed areas. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------ How To Shower Like a Man Refill Fresh water tank and then wait 4hrs until truma heats the water again Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of enclosure or door not closed properly the whole time. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
• A guy who"s personal hygiene left a lot to be desired (he fucking stank) was standing next to me in the pub.I asked him, "don"t you have a shower after you"ve had sex?"He said, "of course I do." I said, "don"t you think it"s about time you went home and had a shag?"
• How many Jews does it take to fix a shower?We don"t know yet, 6 million of them were sent in but none have come out yet.
• Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about this and that and the subject finally got around to sex. The first old lady said she enjoyed sex all the time, and just as much as ever. The second old lady was surprised and asked her what her secret was. The first old lady said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. When her husband comes into the bedroom he gets turned on and has his way with her.The second old lady decides to try this approach so that night when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. her husband comes into the bedroom takes one look and says, "For God"s sake Maude, comb your hair and put your teeth in."
• We got a new power shower. It says on the box "It feels like your getting showered under Niagara Falls". The first time i used it i got hit on the head by a bloke in a barrel!