Shooting jokes

• Why are all the best basketball players black?Because it involves stealing, shooting and running...
• Recent studies suggest that teenage drug use in the city of Omaha is on the increase after a nineteen-year-old male was discovered shooting up in a mall.
• I spent the day shooting frogs with a pellet gun yesterday. It was fun but the police got involved.I got done for asault; for shooting them, and racism; for calling them frogs.
• So Barry George has been cleared of murdering Jill Dando, 8 years after the original trial.It seems the case hinged on a crucial piece of evidence: the original forensic investigation team had found evidence of a gun in his pocketBut more recent tests revealed that, actually, he had just been happy to see them.
• What do you do if you see a one-legged, one-armed nigger hoppin down the road?Stop laughing, reload, and keep shooting.
• Have you heard? There is a party at Virginia Tech tonight.Free shots for all students.
• After the shooting in Finland, you realise just how bad the kids have it these days.When I was in school, all I had to worry about was getting raped by Mr Johns the PE teacher, again.
• Thomas Cook are offering deals on holidays to Antigua for all newly-weds: Free shots for all honeymooners!
• Catherine Mullany got shot on her honeymoon.Her friends describe her as an amazing woman.My definition of amazing would include "bulletproof".
• A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot & dropped a bird but it fell into a farmer"s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor & asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck & it fell in this field & now I"m going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property & you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand & if you don"t let me get that duck, I"ll sue you & take everything you own." The old farmer smiled & said, "Apparently, you don"t know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule."The lawyer asked, "What is the "Three Kick Rule"?"The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times & then you kick me three times & so on back & forth until one gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest & decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor & walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer"s groin & dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer"s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer"s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will & remaining strength & very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart, now it"s my turn." The old farmer smiled & said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
• I"ve just had an email from Ticketmaster with the subject "DON"T MISS JAMES BLUNT".I"ve taken their brilliant advice & bought a great telescopic sight on eBay.
• Last night I had dream. I"m now worried about being shot.