Shoot jokes

• I spent the day shooting frogs with a pellet gun yesterday. It was fun but the police got involved.I got done for asault; for shooting them, and racism; for calling them frogs.
• I still miss my ex-wife.But my aims improving.
• What would it take to reunite "The Beatles"?Two bullets.
• I missed a Jehovah"s Witness at the front door this morning, which was a odd as I thought I had a clear shot
• An Aussie, a Kiwi, and a South African are at a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, takes off his diamond encrusted watch, pulls out a gun shoots the watch to pieces. He says "In South Afrika we have so many diamonds that we don"t need to wear the same diamond twice." The Kiwi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer throw his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "Well mate, in New Zealand we have so much sand to make the glass that we don"t need to drink out of the same cup twice ay."The Australian then pulls out his gun and shoots the Kiwi.
• If you"re ever in a hostage situation and the gun man says, "who shall I shoot first?"Saying, "it"s WHOM shall I shoot first," is not the best answer!
• Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl"s old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor"s office to learn her heart"s exact location. "Since you"re a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering.Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
• A couple of blondes go on an adventure weekend. The archery and rifle practices go without a glitch, unfortunately they get lost during the hunting activity and are unable to phone for help. After screaming for help, they sit down and wait to be rescued... Eying the weaponry, one of the girls remarks, "didn"t the guide say to shoot into the air to attract help if we got lost?""Great idea," exclaims the other, and grabs the bag of weaponry.After 6 hours and 18 shots later they are still lost."Do you reckon anyone will find us?" asks the first blonde, fearfully."I bloody hope so, we"ve only got 2 arrows left..." says the other.
• Europe"s human rights watchdog has expressed "considerable concern" about the prospect of terrorist suspects being held in the UK for up to 42 days.I agree, we should shoot the fuckers on day one.
• You"re locked in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and a Paki. You have a gun with ONLY two bullets. What do you do?Shoot the Paki twice to make sure he"s dead.
• When you see a paki running around your garden screaming, covered in blood and all disorientated, don"t panic!Calm down, compose yourself, re-aim and shoot again.