Shannon jokes

• Now that Shannon Matthews has been found, Police have started issuing raffle tickets to find her dad
• Spare a thought for Shannon Matthews and her family today......They are still writing out their Fathers Day cards.
• Police last night gave Shannon Matthews the news that she will shortly be able to see her family again. Just as soon as they can arrange a visiting order.
• Unlucky Shannon! Crufts was last week.
• Shannon Matthews has been found alive and unharmed.Thank goodness she was too ugly to molest.
• Pete Doherty has asked for the biggest, cheapest, dirtiest piece of crack to be delivered to his cell... The wardens brought Karen Matthews to him.
• As a rule of thumb every dog year is about the same as 7 human years.Which explains why Karen Matthews looks so fucking awful at the age of 32.
• If beauty is skin deep then Karen Matthews must have been born inside out!
• Shannon Matthews real father, Bernard Matthews, has been arrested as his computer had pictures of a fowl nature.
• I was reading about Shannon Matthews" mum earlier today, that she"s got 7 kids by 5 different fathers. Personally, I think that"s fucking disgusting...I mean, what man would want to shag her twice?
• What does Shannon Matthews and a porno mag have in common?You hide them under your bed when you"re done with them.
• To the Adam"s Family theme tune:Your Sister is your Mother,Your Father is your Brother,You all shag one another ,The Matthews Family.Der Der Der Dum Dum...
• The police have released a statement following the arrest of Shannon Matthew"s mother. They say they have not arrested her on suspicion of the abduction of her daughter, they are simply investigating how she managed to get five different people to have sex with her in the first place.
• What"s the difference between Shannon Matthews and Lassie?Lassie came home.(Alternative answers- Lassie had nicer hair, Lassie has a prettier face, Lassie is a better fuck)
• I"ve always believed in God in spite of war and evil in the world, and I believed that there is beauty in everything deep down.This all changed when I saw Karen Matthews.
• Shannon Matthews has been found safe and well. Her first words were, "Have Newcastle won yet?" "Fuck off," replies the copper, "You"ve only been missing a month..."
• A local paedophile ring has made the unprecedented step of issuing a statement after being accused of hiding Shannon Matthews for two weeks.They said "Fuck off - we do have some standards you know"
• Following the success of the West Yorkshire Police in finding Shannon Matthews, the Portuguese Police have gone back to the McCann"s villa to look under the bed.
• After winning the Junior UK hide and seek championships, Shannon Matthews will now travel abroad to take on the current European Champion, Madeleine McCann. Correction: the current European champion is in fact Anne Frank, who successfully hid for almost 5 years before being caught. Maddie has only been gone about 18 months. Besides, we all know she"s buried in the woods.Further correction: Anne Franks record was broken by Austrian Elisabeth Fritzl, who was hidden for 24 years.But Elisabeth Fritzl was disqualified because she had help from her DadFurther Further Correction: I"ve been hiding me a child for 32 years! Fuck all of u!!!Further Further Further Correction: madaliene macann also had help from her father, so why should miss Fritzl be disqualified
• What"s the difference between Maddie McCann and Shannon Matthews?People actually wanted Maddie to be found.
• First, it was Shannon Matthews" step-dad"s step-uncle who was arrested.Then her step-dad. Then her step-dad"s sister, and step-dad"s mum.Now Shannon"s mother, Karen Matthews has been arrested.It"s good to see the police clamping down on ugly people.
• It"s Father"s day today.That explains the massive traffic jam around Karen Matthews" house.
• The mother of Shannon Matthews has said that she "couldn"t stop crying" when she was reunited with her daughter.I wouldn"t be able to stop crying either if I had such an ugly daughter.
• I can see that Shannon Matthews stepfather has been arrested for having indecent pictures of his stepdaughter.She isn"t naked in any of them but you can clearly see her face.