Sexist jokes

• I have just been interviewing people for a post at my work.The first guy was fresh from university and very eager.The second guy had a degree and five years experience.The woman had two degrees and twelve years experience.Of course I employed the woman, as I only have to pay her half as much.
• Why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist?Because they could have easily fitted in another pair of tits there.
• I wanted to ask my wife her honest view on sexist jokes.But she was too busy doing the cooking.
• Why do doctors slap new born babies arses at birth?To make the dicks fall off the stupid ones.
• How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let the bitch do the ironing in the dark.How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows; they never get the house.What do a beer bottle and a woman have in common? There both empty from the neck up.How is a pussy like a grapefruit? The best ones squirt when you eat themHow do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it
• My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
• A man is lying in bed with his wife when she rolls over and says, "Say something dirty to me."He replies, "the dishes."
• A dog is truly a man"s best friend.If you don"t believe it, just try this experiment.Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
• I see a lot of women are using this site...The dinner won"t cook itself you know.
• I definitely do not understand women. My wife says I should be more like her "perfect" gay male friend, but she screamed blue murder when I tried to shag her up the arse.
• I got a phone call the other day from an old flame of mine. It had been years since we"d spoken and was great to catch up. We were getting on really well and she suggested that we should meet up "for old time"s sake". I was well up for it, as I hadn"t been getting any for a while. We arranged to meet up the following day.Now, in truth I"d let myself go a bit over the years and so thought I"d come clean. I told her "I"m probably not quite how you remember me. I"ve started to go bald and have been indulging a little too much in the good life."To which she started to giggle like a schoolgirl and then said to me, "Oh, don"t worry! I"ve put on a few pounds myself!"So I told her to fuck off.
• I like to steal other people"s jokes due to my illness: "Being a Tosser"
• Why have we never sent a woman to the moon?Because it doesn"t need cleaning!
• What"s the male equivalent of a feminist?A sexist.