Russia jokes

• Why do the police in Russia travel in threes? They need one who is able to read, another who can write, and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.
• BREAKING NEWS:Russia have just announced plans to pull out of Georgia.The French were the first to commend the action.
• I went downstairs this morning and there was a letter on the mat saying "To The Occupier".So I forwarded it to Russia.
• George Bush spoke out against the invasion of Georgia today saying: "Russia has invaded a sovereign state...such an action is not acceptable in the 21st century."Who said Americans can"t do irony?
• Overheard today at the airport check in desk, from a loud American couple-" Ma"m, are you sure it is still safe to fly to Atlanta? Only we hear that the Russians have been attacking Georgia."
• I see there is a big football match on tonight- Russia V Sweden. Apparantly its got citizens from both nations totally gripped- which would explain why most of London"s prostitutes have taken the night off....
• An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are on the run during the WWII, with the nazis hot on their trail. They run down an alley and realise they"re stuck in a dead end. However, on the floor, amongst the rubbish are some potato sacks."Quick!" says the Englishman. "Hide in the sacks."The three men cover themselves just in time when a nazi officer comes striding down the alley, looking for them."Vot iz zis?" he asked, upon spying the bags. He kicks the first bag with the Englishman in it."Miaow!!" says the Englishman, in his best imitation of a cat."Ah, zis" is nothing" says the nazi officer to his colleague. "Just a sack full of ze kitties."He kicks the second bag with the Scotman in it."Woof!" says the Scotsman, in his best imitation of a dog."Ah, zis is nothing too. Just a sack full of ze puppies."He kicks the third bag, with the Irishman in it.The Irishman responds with, "Potatoes, Potatoes!"
• With the tense stand off between Russia and Georgia, France"s president today announced an unconditional surrender just in case !
• My mate"s opened up a new chain of coffee shops in Russia.It"s called Tsarbucks.
• What"s the difference between Scouse kids and Russian kids?Scouse kids get slaughtered before they go to school.