Road jokes

• I have a dream: a dream that, one day, chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.
• Why did the chav cross the road?To start a fight with a complete stranger for absolutely no reason.
• Why did the chicken cross the road?Because there was a black man walking towards him
• Why did the chicken cross the road?Because a nigger sat next to him at the bus stop.
• Why don’t women need a drivers license?..... Because there’s no road between the kitchen and bed room.
• Why did the woman cross the road?More to the point why the fuck is she out of the kitchen?!
• I helped an old lady across the road this morning...but I did her old man a favour and left him on the other side.
• Why did the nigger cross the road?Who the fuck cares? Why was he out of the cotton fields?
• What qualifications do you need to be a road sweeper?None. You just pick it up as you go along!
• Why did the Germans cross the road?To occupy France.
• I was about to cross a road when this really fat old woman screamed at me from the other side, "please, young man, can you see me across the road?"I shouted back, "I could see you a fucking hundred yards back!"
• A chicken walks up to a duck stood at the side of the road, and says "Don"t do it mate, you"ll never hear the end of it!"
• Why did Princess Diana cross the road?She wasn"t wearing her seatbelt.
• Have you ever seen these roadside protesters? They camp out all night hoping to prevent the completion of motorways. Well, yesterday one died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him weeks ago but the stupid fucker wouldn"t have a bypass.
• A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he"s found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal.""No, no," the penguin replies, "it"s just ice cream."
• I was driving through town last week when I saw a big fat American stood in the middle of the road. I ran straight over him. I could have gone around him but I didn"t know whether I had enough petrol.
• What"s the difference between a frenchman and a hedgehog?One"s a smelly, lice ridden, snail eating creature with no fucking road sense......and the other"s a hedgehog!
• What"s the difference between a Ginger and a Dog?I stop when a dog runs onto the road.