Retard jokes

• I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I always wanted my first to be special.
• How do you kill a bunch of retards on a bus?Put poison on the windows.
• Millions of people have fled New Orleans fearing it may flood due to Hurricane Gustav, just like it did with Hurricane Katrina three years ago.Only the French could be stupid enough to form a city beneath sea level, and only the Americans could be retarded enough to live in it!
• What did the blind, deaf and dumb girl call her dog?Eeeuuuurrrrhhhh!
• What do you call a retard in a fancy suit?The President of the United States.
• I get the impression that the Americans have an unfair advantage at the special olympics as they have more retards then the rest of the world combined!
• I was looking through the paralympic schedule last night and it looked reasonably interesting,I have one question though,why no hurdles?
• What do you call a bunch of retards falling down a flight of stairs?A freak accident.
• Everytime I see you, I smile.When you walk, I laugh.When you speak, I get excited.For some reason, retarded people amuse the fuck out of me.
• Does Special Branch deal with crimes done by retards?
• Stephen Hawking has written a new book:Around the House in Eighty Days.
• Cultural laws1) In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)2) In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman"s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.3) Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)4) The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Wonder which head?)5) There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let"s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)6) In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband"s lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)7) Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)8) In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)9) In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I gather this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)10) In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? ...Not as great as Guam!)
• When I was on holiday in America, in Texas, I noticed a very popular slogan on cars, t shirts, shops, posters etc- simply " Don"t Mess With Texas." I must admit, I agree with that.Its wrong to make fun of retards.(HAHA -- Even most Americans agree with this one!)
• Olympic Gold medallists may receive fame and glory for their sporting endeavours, but only winners at the Special Olympics get taken to McDonald"s afterwards as well.
• As an act of charity, I"m setting up a bakery to be staffed by mongoloids and retards.I"m going to call it "Special Kneads".
• An Open Letter To The Hard Of Hearing To whom it may concern. If you believe that I have, upon seeing your hearing aid, been treating you as though you"re retarded, I apologise. I thought it was a hands free kit.
• I tried to get something special for my wife for her birthday this year. But the lady at the council said they don"t sell mongs to the public.
• I don"t know about you, but I"m sick of seeing disabled people being pushed around...
• What"s black and runs into walls?Jordan"s baby.
• President Bush is rehearsing his speech for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. He begins his remarks with "Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh"Immediately his speech writer rushes over to the lectern and whispers in the President"s ear: "Mr President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is underneath."
• When I first took her out, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to dance, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. When we first made love, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to marry me, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her if she enjoyed our first wedding anniversary celebrations, she looked at me, giggled and smiled. That"s when it finally dawned on me that she was mentally handicapped.
• What"s the difference between Sarah Palin"s mouth and her vagina?Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.
• I live near a remedial school.There"s a sign on the road outside that says, "SLOW CHILDREN".That can"t be good for their self-esteem...
• How do you get a retarded kid to kill himself?Give him a knife and ask him who"s special.
• What do you call a spastic in a wheelchair?Anything you want, they"ll just smile and try to hug you.