Restaurant jokes

• The McCanns have had to cancel their reconstruction of the night their daughter dissapeared. The restaurant is fully booked.
• 3.14159265 people walked into a restaurant.They sat down and ordered pi.
• I had a group of Jewish women in my restaurant last night.After their meal I went over and asked, "was anything alright for you?"
• Prince Phillip and the Queen were dining in one of London"s top restaurants.The waiter comes over and asks what Phillip would like to order."I"ll have two rare steaks my good fellow."Waiter, "Does sir mean two bloody steaks?"Phillip, "Yes quite right old chap, two bloody steaks."Queen, "And plenty of fucking chips!"
• i was in a restaurant last night and i called the waiter over, i said "theres a worm in my pie" , the waiter said " i think you"ll find that its fat" , i said " its entitled to be , its eaten all the fucking meat!"
• I went to an Indian restaurant last night called "Taste of the Raj"The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.
• I went to a restaurant and ordered "soup of the day" for starters.The waiter brought the soup.Five minutes later, I called the waiter and said, "I can"t eat this!"The waiter said, "Sir, our chef has cooked the same soup, to the same recipe for the last 12 years and nobody has ever complained until now, why can"t you eat it?"I said, "because you didn"t bring me a spoon, you daft twat!"
• A man walks down the street and sees a sign outside of a restaurant advertising that the chef will prepare anything no matter how unusual it might be. The man walks inside and tells the waiter, "I want a big steaming plate of shit." The waiter replies, "I"m sorry sir, we can"t do that, that"s impossible." The man reminds him about what the sign out front said. The waiter sighs and says says he will go and talk to the chef. The waiter goes back to the kitchen and explains the man"s odd request. The chef agrees and he and the waiter drop their trousers and shit on a plate. The waiter takes the plate out to the man. Five minutes later, the waiter returns to the kitchen covered from head to toe in shit. The chef asks, "What the hell just happened?" The waiter replies, "He said there was a hair in it!"
• This gent went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into the soup. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the food and this was too much for him."For fuck"s sake," said the man, "get your bloody thumb out of my food!""Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm.""Well, why don"t you just shove it up your fucking ass?" the man said angrily."That"s what I do when I"m in the kitchen."
• A man walks into a restaurant and notices Lobster Tails for a quid on the menu. He asks the waiter: "What"s wrong with them?" Waiter says: "Nothing, freshly caught today." So the man orders some,The waiter returns with a book, sits down and says: "Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster..."