Religion jokes

• Islam
• Do you think that Jesus was the first pin-up icon?
• What is the difference between a bar of soap and a Jew?A bar of soap lasts longer than one shower.
• What does a catholic priest have in common with a pint of guiness?Black coat, white collar & you need to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one.
• A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.The guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"The customer says, "Female"The counter guy asks, "Black or white?"The customer says, "White"The counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"The customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"The counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"
• Going to War over Religion is basically killing one another to see who"s got the better imaginary friend...
• Old Father O"Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree. "My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You"re the saddest, most forlorn-looking frog I"ve ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog.""Incredible!" said Father O"Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?""Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I"ll be back to normal.""Well," said Father O"Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."So Father O"Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket. That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep. When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would. And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence...
• I was raised a Catholic, and the most annoying thing about going to church was all the standing up, sitting down, and kneeling.I wish the priest could"ve just picked a position and fucked me!
• There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times."The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven Lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your Face
• Give a man a fish, you"ll feed him for a day. Give him a religion, and he"ll starve to death while praying for a fish.(ricky gervais)
• Every culture has its own holy book: Muslims have the Qur"an, Israelis/Jews have the Torah, Christians have the Bible and Niggers have the Jungle Book.
• I missed a Jehovah"s Witness at the front door this morning, which was a odd as I thought I had a clear shot
• The Pope is having some work done in the vatican. As he is passing one of the carpenters hits his thumb with a hammer "Fucking Hell!" he cries. The pope is horrified and tells the carpenter "My son, this is the house of God, such profanities are not appropriate here. If you have hurt yourself in some way you should offer your prayer to our lord Jesus and he will give you relief from your suffering" Next day as the Pope is passing the same carpenter chops off his fingers with a saw. "Oh my God! Sweet Jesus help me now!" says the carpenter.With that the fingers levitate themselves and re-attach themselves to the poor carpenter"s hand, all the blood disappears and the carpenter wiggles his fingers,"Fucking Hell" says the pope.