Redneck jokes

• What do you call 50 rednecks at the bottom of the ocean?A fucking good start.
• What do you call a Redneck girl who keeps running away from home?A virgin.
• What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?A full set of teeth.
• What do a redneck and a bear have in common?They both like to suck their paws.
• A young journalism student at the University of Tennessee was assigned to write a human interest story, so he went up into the mountains were he found an old farmer sitting on his porch. He introduced himself, explained his mission, and asked, "Has anything ever happened here that made you really happy?"The farmer thought for a moment, then said, "Yeah, one time my neighbor"s daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost. We formed a posse and went to look for her, and when we found her, we all took turns to screw her." "I can"t print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can"t you think of anything else that happened, which made you happy?"The farmer thought for a while longer, then smiled. "Yep! One time a neighbor"s sheep got lost. We formed a posse to look for it, and when we found it, we all took turns to screw it." Again, the young man said "I can"t print that, either! Let"s try another approach. Has anything ever happened around here that made you really sad?" The old farmer dropped his head in shame. After a couple of seconds he looked up timidly at the young man and said, "This one time, I got lost..."
• This guy walks into a bar in Redneck county and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain"t from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"The guy says, "I"m from England."The bartender asks, "What th" hell you do in England?"The guy responds, "I"m a taxidermist."The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th" hell is a taxidermist?"The guy says "I mount animals."The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It"s OK boys, he"s one of us!"
• A redneck died and left his entire estate to his widow.Trouble is, she can"t touch it "til she turns 14.
• What do a hurricane, a tornado and a redneck divorce all have in common? Someone"s going to lose their trailer...
• Redneck Billy Joe and Redneck Mary Sue are joined in holy matrimony.They spend their wedding night at the Motel 6 Honeymoon Suite inParthenon, Arkansas. They"ve abstained from the big deed until thisvery night. Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wifefor the first time, she stops him."Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought you should know... this ain"t justour first time. It"s my first time ever. I"m a virgin. I been savin"myself just for you.""Whut you say, Mary Sue?""I said, I"m a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for you on ourweddin" night.""Yore a VIRGIN!?!" He asked somewhat shocked."That"s right. Please be gentle.""Gentle? Gentle my ass. I"m outta here!" With that, Billy Joe pulls uphis pants, hard-on and all, and leaves his virgin bride lying aloneand naked. He slams the door, gets in his pickup, and drives home."Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!""Huh? Billy Joe, whut the hell you doin" here? It"s 3am on yoreweddin" night! Why the hell ain"t you and that purty new wife of yoursin a haystack somewhere doing it like rabbits?""Paw, I wuz all set to do just that, when Mary Sue up and tells methat she"s a virgin!""A VIRGIN?""That"s right, Paw. One hunner percent cherry. As soon as she toldme, I got the hell outta there as fast as I could!""Well, son, lemme tell you, you did the right thing... Cuz if sheain"t good enough fer her own fam"ly, she certainly ain"t good enoughfor ours."
• Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I"m "bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I"m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene got pregnant once again." Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that"s different?" Billy Bob says, "This year I"m taking Earlene with me."
• Little Johnny asks his redneck daddy, "what"s sex?"Dad figured to keep it simple and ordered ma upstairs and to strip.Ma strips and lies on her back, then Pa says to Johnny, "you see that hole on your ma there? You just watch yer old daddy go!" and so he proceeds to demonstrate sex for Johnny.Johnny"s watching with interest when his sister came in and asked, "Johnny, what are they doing?"Johnny said, "sex."She asked, "what is sex?"So Johnny says, "you see that hole on Pa there? Well, you just watch your old brother go!"