Rapist jokes

• I get very nervous after sex, as I normally have the police after me.
• Actions speak louder than words...Never more true, than with rape.
• I was walking a girl home through the woods last night she said i was sick when i told her i was a racist.I had to apologise and we both laughed when i explained i meant to say rapist...well i say laughed i think they were tears of joy.
• According to research, members of the public are highly unlikely to intervene if they witness a crime in progress.I would disagree with that statement. Only the other day, I came across a woman being raped in a park. I steamed straight in and knocked the rapist out, before turning the woman over and taking her up the arse.
• Good news - the Austrian cellar rapist is going to face the death penalty.Bad news - John Terry is going to take it
• Really angry just now. I just had 500 business cards printed out they read:John Brown, TherapistStupid fuckers forgot to put a space in my profession.
• I used to think I had massive dick, as when ever I was fucking a girl they would always scream......although it was normally for help.
• I was standing at a bar in the pub when I overheard this conversation between two blokes:"Do you know what? I could have sex with any woman in this pub.""Oh yeah? How"s that then?""I"m a rapist."
• David Cameron"s policy of "Hug a hoodie" is fucking ridiculous.In fact, why stop there? Tickle a rapist.Wank-off a paedophile.
• I know a rapist who suffers from premature ejaculation.Well, when I say rapist, he hasn"t actually raped anyone yet.They always see him coming.
• Dave and Steve are sitting in a bar talking about their childhoods.Dave says "What"s the most painful memory from your childhood?".Steve replies "When I was ten years old my Dad caught me with glitter on my face. He gave me the beating of my life as he thought I was gay"."Wow. That was a bit of an over reaction wasn"t it?", replies Dave."No" says Steve. "To be fair he had a point. I had just been to one of his concerts".
• What"s the worst part about being a serial rapist?Getting Corn Flakes stuck on your knob.
• Necrophilia... for rapists who can"t win a fight