Random jokes

• What have paedophilia and race crime got in common?Me.
• Who is the Hindu Goddess of Hair?Kondishna
• TOP TIPTo get sincere personal advice and the correct time, try calling a random telephone number in the early hours of the morning.
• How do you stop a clown from laughing?Hit it in the face with an axe.
• The early bird may get the worm....But the second mouse gets the cheese
• Funny how students think they can be really random by adding the words "cheeeeese" and "jaaaaam" to sentences.I like to be random by indiscriminately punching students.
• Two Students stabbed 200 times each.Possibly one for each time they annoyingly and improperly used the word "Random".
• A man walks into his local butchers and ask for a pound of what"s what. The butcher, puzzled by this request, informs the man that they don"t sell what"s what.So the man leaves, only to come back the next day and ask for the same. The butcher, in a light hearted, mood thinks the man is pulling his leg, so he chuckles lightly and informs the man that they do not sell what"s what and sends the man on his way once again.The next day the man returns, more determined than ever, and asks for a pound of what"s what. The butcher is infuriated."Stop wasting my time and your own - I"ve told you before we don"t sell what"s what, nor have we ever heard of it!" bellows the Butcher."What"s that then?" the man says quickly, pointing at a random selection of meat."What"s what?" the butcher replies.The man answers, "Well, I"ll have a fuckin pound of that then."
• THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON"T SAYMy tyre was thumping.I thought it was flat.When I looked at the tyre...I noticed your cat.Sorry!Heard your wife left you,How upset you must be.But don"t fret about it...She moved in with me.Looking back over the yearsthat we"ve been together,I can"t help but wonder..."What the hell was I thinking?"Congratulations on your wedding day!Too bad no one likes your husband.How could two people as beautiful as youHave such an ugly baby?I"ve always wanted to havesomeone to hold,someone to love.After having met you...I"ve changed my mind.I must admit you brought Religion into my life.I never believed in Hell until I met you.As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...That you"re not here to ruin it for me.Congratulations on your promotion.Before you go...Would you like to take this knife out of my back?You"ll probably need it again.Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!Happy birthday!You look great for your age.Almost Lifelike!When we were together,you always said you"d die for me.Now that we"ve broken up,I think it"s time you kept your promise!We have been friends for a very long time ..what you say we stop?I"m so miserable without you ...it"s almost like you"re here.Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.Did you ever find out who the father was?Your friends and I wanted to dosomething special for your birthday.So we"re having you put to sleep.So your daughter"s a hooker,and it spoiled your day.Look at the bright side,it"s really good pay
• I walked into the Paki"s last week to buy drink. He looked at my I.D. and said "sorry, we only accept passports."So I said, "well, let"s see your fucking passport!"