Radio jokes

• I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
• Have you heard about the new American radio station called WPMS?Each month, they play two weeks of love songs, one week of blues, one week of ragtime and two days of death metal.
• Two chavs are in a car, and no music is playing. Who"s driving? The police.
• HILARIOUS! This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you"ll see why! Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers"yes",he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with (phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the fu**iest thing you"ve heard yet.Anyway, here"s how it all went down:DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of "Mate Match"?"Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."DJ: "Great! Then you know we"re giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win.What is your name? First only please."Contestant: "Brian."DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife"s name? First only please."Brian: "Sara."DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"Brian: "She is gonna kill me."DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she"s at work."DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"Brian: "About 8 o"clock this morning."DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"Brian: "About 10 minutes."DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn"t at stake."Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o"clock this morning?Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks..."DJ: "Uh huh..."Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."Brian: "On the kitchen table."DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I"ve done it.Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife"s work number and call her up.You listen to this."[3 minutes of commercials follow. ]DJ: "Okay audience; let"s call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch tones.....ringing....)Clerk: "Kinkos."DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"Clerk: "This is she."DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I"ve been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give anyanswers away or you"ll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of "Mate Match"?"Sarah: "No."DJ: "Good!"Brian: (laughing)Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian"s answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."DJ: "What time?"Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."DJ: "Hmmmm. That"s close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect is manhood. We"ve got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."DJ: "Where did you have it?"Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn"t tell them that did you?"Brian: "Just tell him, honey."DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"Sarah: "Well..."DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?Sarah: "Up the arse....."They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have a heart attack, he could not stop laughing. Apparently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation, for minor traffic collisions.
• I heard a couple of feminists on the radio saying that what they are fighting against is the patronising and demoralising way that men talk to women. I thought to myself, "awwww, that"s sweet, but they"re not going to get anywhere with it."
• Norman and his wife live up north. One winter morning, while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman"s wife goes out and moves her car.A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman"s wife goes out and moves her car again.The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..........." , just then the electric power goes out.Norman"s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don"t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"With the love and understanding in his voice, like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says,"Why don"t you just leave the car in the garage this time?"
• I"ve just test driven that Skoda that is made out of cake, the one from the television advert, and it drives just like any normal car, the only problems are that the brakes are a bit spongy, the jam is always on the radio and the fucking windows keep icing up.Same as a regular skoda...
• I went to one of those gadget shops earlier today and I bought one of them wind-up radios. I got it home and switched it on and it said "Your dick"s tiny, your kids are ugly and your wife"s shagging your best mate".
• A bloke bought a new Lexus and returned the next day complaining that the radio didn"t work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated."Watch this!" he said..."Nelson!" The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued....and "On The Road Again" came from thespeakers. He drove away happy and, for the next few days, every time he"d say,"Beethoven", he"d get beautiful classical music, if he said, "Beatles!" he"d get one of their massive hits.... and so on. He was so pleased and impressed with his car.One day, a carload of teenagers ran a red light and nearly creamed his new car, but he swerved in time to avoid them. "ASSHOLES!" he yelled..... and The French National Anthem began to play.
• I"ve got one of those wind up radios. It"s always taking the piss!