Race jokes

• I used to work as a disabled carer, until I was fired for racing them.
• A 14-year-old boy has been injured in a vicious race attack.Thankfully, none of the other runners were affected.
• My mate really suffers badly from premature ejaculationHe entered a wanking race last week and finished first and second.
• I was asked to run a marathon and I said, "no chance."Then I was told it was for spastic and blind kids, so I thought, "Fuck it. I could win that!"
• I bought a race horse and decided to call it "MY FACE".Just imagine it running down the home straight with all the women shouting "COME ON MY FACE"!!
• In a race between a white man and a black man through a tunnel, who would win?The white man, because the black man has to stop and write "motherfucker" on the wall.
• After complaints that there aren"t enough black people on British television, the BBC have vowed to solve the problem.They are now going to show Crimewatch 7 nights a week.
• An Englishman, Welshman and West Indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys."There"s just one problem," she says. "Because they were all born at the same time, we got the tags mixed up and we don"t know which baby belongs to whom. Would you, as their fathers, mind coming to identify them?" The men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies.Immediately the Englishman stoops down and picks up the black baby. "Yes, this is definitely my baby," he says confidently."Um, excuse me," says the West Indian, "but I think it"s fairly obvious that this is my son."The Englishman pulls him aside and says, "I see where you"re coming from, mate, but one of these babies is Welsh and I"m not prepared to take the risk."
• A black man goes into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder. The barman asks, "where did you get that from?"The parrot says, "Africa, there"s millions of them."
• Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they"re all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I"ve spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some twat puts a swimming cap on me!"
• White Men Can"t Jump.But at least they can take penalties.
• I took my dog out for a walk last week.I decided to give him a race... he took the lead... and I haven"t seen him since!