Pussy jokes

• The best thing about being a vet is, I can make a woman show me her pussy then send her husband the bill!
• Cristiano Ronaldo was bowled over by his player of the year award.Even though slow-motion replays showed that it clearly never touched him.
• I have to admit, I may not be the best at oral sex, but why does the wife keep rubbing my nose in it?
• A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "can I smell your pussy?"The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "certainly not!""Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your Camel then".
• Girls:If you get a message from your boyfriend saying that he wants to "kick your puppy", don"t call the RSPCA...He"s just not very good at predictive text.
• What"s the difference between ginger pussy and a bowling ball?You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
• A black president means the White House will be called the Black House?That"s ridiculous, surely it would be called Pimp Obama"s Mother Fuckin" Pussy Crib.
• A bloke sees his ex-wife with her new lover and decides to wind him up so he shouts over "How"s the second-hand pussy?"Quick as a flash, her lover replies "Great! After the first three inches, its like brand new."
• A primary school teacher spots that James, one of her pupils, is clutching a cat. She inquires, "James, why is your cat at school today?"James, now in tears, replies, "I heard the postman telling Mummy "when the kids go to school today, I"m going to eat your pussy"!"
• A bloke goes into a pub. The barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to putmy head between your tits, and lick the sweat off." he replies."You dirty bastard!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."The bloke apologises and says he will never do it again. The barmaid,disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again."I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off." he replies."What???" screams the barmaid, "That"s it, you"re barred, you dirty, filthy,perverted bastard, GET OUT NOW!"Once again the bloke apologises, and says he will never, ever do it again."Right. I"ll give you one last chance," says the barmaid, "now, what do youwant?""I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink itall out of you."The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sittingdown watching the telly. "What"s up, love?" says the husband."There"s this disgusting bloke downstairs! When I asked him what hewanted, he said that he wanted to put his head between my tits and lick thesweat off." she says in a flood of tears."What?! He"s a dead man!" shouts the husband getting out of his chair."Then he said he wanted to pull down my knickers spread cottagecheese between my arse cheeks and lick it off!" screams the wife."Right, he"s going to need a body bag the bastard!" shouts the husbandrolling up his sleeves and picking up a baseball bat."Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and drinkit out of me" she concludes.When he hears this the husband puts the baseball bat down and sits back downin his chair."Aren"t you going to do something?!!" shouts the wife in hysterics."Listen love, I"m not messing with someone who can drink 14 pints ofGuinness..."
• Why is a joke like a pussy?Neither"s any good if you don"t get it.
• why is a pussy like a joke? cause they are fanny