Punch jokes

• What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, the bitch has already been told twice.
• I took the Wife out earlier.One punch!
• A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living fuck out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and clientele stood silent and motionless.Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened:Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?"Scouser: "Dunno, something about a "job"."
• Why are niggers" teeth so white ?So you know where to aim your punch when you"re about to get mugged at night
• What is the first thing a battered wife does when she gets home from hospital?The dishes and dinner if she"s got any sense.
• I was chatting to a mate in the pub- who loves jokes- and I was telling him a little story. So I began my tale:"I went to see a Gypsy fortune teller the other day, who put me in touch with me dead grandfather. After we had finished and I had paid her, she smiled at me and in a jolly voice said she had really enjoy the session- So I smacked her in the face!"My smartarse mate chipped in, "Ha ha- Thats becase you LIKE TO STRIKE A HAPPY MEDIUM isn"t it!" I replied, "No, its because I can"t fucking stand gypsies."
• I used to have loads of trouble dealing with bitchy comebacks from Women.Then I discovered the perfect reply.It"s called a punch.
• I went into town this morning and there was one of those stupid mimes in the square. First he walked up a ladder that wasn"t there. Then he cleaned a window that wasn"t there. Then he walked into a fist that was there.
• Too often we lose sight of life"s simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only four to extend your arm and smack the cunt!
• What"s the difference between a woman and a computer?You only have to punch information into a computer once!