Problem jokes

• Poland is just like the UK, only with fewer Polish people.
• I called up a builder to come round to my house to fix my roof. When he got here, he said that he would need to put up some scaffolding and would have to go and get some poles.He came back with Janek, Malinowski and Wojciech.
• The latest poll taken by the UK yielded results on whether or not people who live in UK think illegal immigration is a serious problem: a) 39% of the respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem." b) 61% of the respondents answered: "To nie stanowi powaznego problemu."
• A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself".On the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already naked. He"s so horny and keen to try out his new "system" that he doesn"t think twice and leaps on board.After a few minutes "slap and tickle", they find themselves in the "69" position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor"s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"The man answered, "Just great, asshole...when I fired the pistol my wife shat on my face, bit three inches off my dick and my neighbour came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"
• Anorexia is a serious issue but, let"s face it, the problem isn"t getting any bigger.
• A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I"ve got a big problem doctor. Every time we"re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.""My dear," the shrink said, "that"s completely natural. I don"t see what the problem is.""The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."
• This is a letter sent to Dear Deirdre of the Sun newspaper.I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton is married to a guy from Liverpool.My mother and father have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters who are prostitutes. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other is currently being held in Wandsworth on charges of incest on his three children.I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancé utilizing her knowledge of the industry working as a manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets, and hopefully the heroin.My problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family, and of course I want to be totally honest with her.Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a scouser?
• A man rang up an incontinence help line.The woman at the call centre picked up and said, "hello, this is the incontinence helpline, how can I help?"So the man replied, "well, I"ve developed an incontinence problem, is all the information I give you confidential?"The woman replies, "yes of course it is. Now can you tell me where you"re ringing from?"The man replies, "the waist down."
• I"ve got a serious crack problem.I"m not getting any.
• I don"t see a problem with Autoerotic Asphyxiation, I like my men well hung...
• The best advice I ever received from my Dad was, "you can"t run away from your problems."And, twenty five years later on, I"ve still got the fucking postcard to prove it.