Pregnancy jokes

• What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common?Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger
• How do you make a Pakistani pregnant?Cum on her shoes and let the flys do the rest!
• What did I get last time I tried my luck with a girl in a nightclub?Nine months and my name on a register.
• Have you ever noticed that all Down Syndrome people kinda look the same?.....I think there is 1 guy that looks like that going all around the world gettin women pregnant.
• Did you hear about the Essex girl who had two chances to get pregnant?She blew them both.
• A man in America has announced his pregnancy and caused outrage...One more fucking American!
• What do you call a 12 year old, female chav?Pregnant.
• A woman goes to Italy to attend a two-week company training session.Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip.The wife answers, "thank you, honey, what would you like me to bring back for you?"The husband laughs and says, "an Italian girl!"The woman kept quiet and left.Two weeks later, he picks her up in the airport and asks, "so, honey, how was the trip?""Very good, thank you.""And what happened to my present?""Which present?" she asked."The one I asked for - an Italian girl!""Oh, that", she said. "Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!"
• A man is pacing around in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for his wife to give birth.A doctor enters the room and says, "Congratulations, sir! You are the father of FOUR bouncing baby boys.""I"m not surprised, I"ve got a dick like a chimney stack!" boasts the father."Well you want to get it swept then," replies the doctor, "because they"re all black."
• Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?It works by changing your blood type.
• A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, "There"s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
• Cheap new pregnancy test available for niggers. Insert banana into vagina, leave for 30 seconds then remove. If it"s half eaten there"s another fucking monkey on the way!
• A pregnant woman walks into a clothes shop, picks a dress from the rail and says to an assistant "Is it OK to use the changing room?""Yes" says the assistant and the pregnant woman goes inside and closes the curtain.Half an hour later she still hasn"t come out and the assistant starts to get worried. She goes up to the curtain and asks "Are you OK in there?"Voice replies "Yes. Just coming out" and the curtain opens.Inside the changing room the floor, walls and part of the ceiling are covered in blood and there"s a dead foetus in the corner.Shop assistant cries "Oh my GOD! You only went in there to try on a dress!""Dress?" Replies the woman. "I only wanted the coat hanger."