Porn jokes

• Microsoft has confirmed that their new version of Internet Explorer will allow users to surf anonymously.Fantastic, I can finally stop wearing my Ski-mask when surfing for porn.
• Actors are often advised never to work with children or animals.Especially in the porn industry.
• My wife watched a porn film with me for the first time.She was ok with the graphic scenes of sex, but found the masturbation very off-putting.She kept slapping my hand to make me stop.
• Shannon Matthews real father, Bernard Matthews, has been arrested as his computer had pictures of a fowl nature.
• Why do women watch porn?To see if the characters get married at the end.
• I was checking into a hotel the other week. At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."Unbelievable what some people are into.
• I saw a sign in a public toilet yesterday. It said "Please leave this toilet in the condition that you would like to have found it in". So I left a porno mag and a line of coke.
• A psychology student is conducting a survey to study the masturbatory habits of males. She approaches the first man, and says, "Excuse me sir, I"m conducting a survey, and would like to know, what do you hold in your left hand while you masturbate?", to which the man replies, "A remote controller, for the DVD". She then approaches the second man, with the same question. He answers, "I"ve got a magazine", and she notes down his answer. She then approaches a third man, and asks him what he holds while he masturbates, to which he answers, "A bar of soap". Bemused by this, she asks why. "I"m bathing the kids."
• Whoever said men can"t multi-task?I mean, have you never seen a guy watch porn?
• It"s amazing the service that we, the taxpayer, get from the Police these days.A couple of months ago, some Police officers kicked my front door in and took my broken computer away. I wasn"t quite sure what was going on but they returned it two months later and it was working fine again. They even paid for a new front door and gave me a grand for my trouble. Brilliant service!But the best bit is, I"ve put my old hard drive back in it and can now watch all my favourite kiddie porn again.Thanks guys. Top job.
• I"ve been told that one good thing about having premature ejaculation is that you can save heaps of cash. My friend Mike is a sufferer but I can attest, he"s definitely paid off three mortgages in the last 15 years, all with money he says he"s saved from what he would have spent on porn if he was normal.He reckons he bought the video for Debbie"s Dirty Desires back in 1992 and still hasn"t made it past the age certificate warning.
• #Badporntitle Young disabled girl gives cancer baby a horse of a ride!