Politics jokes

• What do you call a Zimbabwean waste paper basket?A Ballot Box.
• Why are the top jokes on this site like African Politicians?Because they have only got where they are because of dodgy multiple voting!
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• Imagine being 85. A comfortable seat in very pleasant surroundings where you can sit surrounded by people your own age and mumbling nonsense all day. Imagine being attended by nice smiling people and genuinly thinking you are still important, whilst living very nicely at the expense of the taxpayer. Well, that"s not for everyone of course. Some of us arn"t fortunate enough to get a seat in the House of Lords.
• Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600employees and has the following statistics?29 have been accused of spouse abuse7 have been arrested for fraud19 have been accused of writing bad cheques117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses3 have done time for assault71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit4 have been arrested on drug-related charges8 have been arrested for shoplifting21 are currently defendants in lawsuits84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last yearWhich organization is this?It"s the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
• Politics explained for dumb people-----------------------------------Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.A American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.A German Corporation: You have 2 cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.A British Corporation: You have 2 cows. Both are mad.An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don"t know where they are. You break for lunch.A Russian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your ass. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......Counter Culture: "Wow, dig it, like there"s these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!"Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...Hong Kong Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows" milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.An Arkansas Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.An Indian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You worship them.An Australian Corporation: You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go down the pub to celebrate.
• A reporter was asking Gordon Brown several questions at number 10.Reporter: "What proof do you have that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"Brown: "We"ve kept the receipts."
• Don"t think all this business of getting lots of votes just by mouthing off and criticising Americans is new. Its not. American politicians have been doing it for years. I mean- George Bush"s last platform was basically saying " Surely your not stupid enough to vote for me again are you? " To which the American people responded with a resounding "YES!"
• ~Vote Labour~ And have a Nigger for a Neighbour! --Genuine Conservative Party slogan from the 1960s------------------------------------------------------Oh my god. I"ve just looked it up and it"s true. Peter Griffiths in 1964."If you want a nigger for a neighbour, vote Liberal or Labour."
• I don"t approve of political jokes.I"ve seen too many of them get elected.