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The other night my girlfriend and I had parked in a quiet road for a bit of fun when a policeman caught us. He gave me a ticket for doing 69 in a 30mph zone...
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman..."Mr Cook?""Yes," I replied."I"m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike."I said, "That"s bullshit, "cause my dog doesn"t have a bike!"
A policeman from near clapham junction,Had a penis that just wouldn"t function,For the rest of his life, he misled his wife,With a dollop of snot on his truncheon
A young lad was racing down a one way road when he was pulled for speeding.As the policeman approached he realised the young man was singing:"21 today, 21 today!"The policeman said, "Oh, it"s your birthday. I"ll let you off then"As the young man sped off he ran over a paki."22 today, 22 today!".
Fella says to a Police Dog Handler "Why"s your dog licking its arse?" The Copper replied "He"s just bit a Paki and he"s getting the taste out his mouth"
One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at "in a country lane." Shining his torch in the window, he saw a young man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine. "Excuse me, son" said the cop, "but how old are the two of you?" "I"m eighteen, sir, and" (checking his watch another time) "in ten more minutes, she"ll be sixteen!"
I walked out of the pub the other night, pissed out of my head. For a laugh, I got my willy out and started waving it at traffic going past. Soon a cop car drove up and stopped. The cop stuck his head out of the window and said, "what would your mother say if she walked past and saw that?"I said, "she"d shout "It"s a miracle! It"s a miracle! My legs have grown back!""
A policeman stopped me the other day and said, "I"d like you to blow into this bag sir." I said "What for officer?"He said "My chips are too hot."
One night a Protestant man was standing in a field burning Catholics, it was pretty late and it was a huge fire. A police man sees the fire and walks over to the man with the gas can, the officer sees all the dead bodies and says o the man shocked "What are you doing!!??", the protestant man smiles and says "bout" 15 to the gallon"
Three men are walking down the street by the names of Fucku, Shit and Manners.Anyway a car comes along and runs over Shit, in a panic since they didn"t have a mobile Fucku decides to look for help where upon he comes across a policeman. In a rush Fucku says "Help! Help! Shit"s just been run over round the corner". Taken aback by this the police enquires "OK... what"s your name?""Fucku" came the abrupt answer..."I beg your pardon?!""Fucku" again was the answer.Insulted the policeman asked "Where"s your manners?"Fucku answered "He"s round the corner picking shit off the road".
