Poem jokes

• Little Miss Muffet,Wanked on her tuffet,With a dildo the size of her arm.Along came a nigger,With a cock much bigger,And did her some permanant harm.
• Mary had a little lambShe tied it to a pylonten thousand volts went up its arseAnd turned its wool to nylon
• He grabbed me around my slender neck I could not call or scream. He dragged me to my dingy room where we could not be seen. He tore away my flimsy wrap and gazed upon my form. I was so cold and damp and scared while he was dry and warm. He pressed his feverish lips to mine I could not make him stop. He drained me of my inner self i gave him every drop. Then he cast me from his side so now you see me here. An empty bottle thrown away that once was full of beer.
• Mary had a little lambIt had a touch of colicShe gave it brandy twice a dayAnd now its alcoholic
• I was at a pub where a man was telling really bad limericks, so some guy got up and smacked him. It was poetic justice.
• How many emos does it take to change a light bulb?1: None, they just sit in the dark and cry.Or2: Two, one to change it and one to write a poem about how much they miss the old light bulb.
• Paul stood upon the grassy bank, His heart was all a-quiver,She took off her suspender belt, And her leg fell in the river.
• Marys lamb had foot and mouthHer cow had B.S.E.But Mary was a kinky slutAnd gave them H.I.V.
• I awoke early one morningThe Earth lay cool and stillWhen suddenly a tiny birdPerched on my windowsillHe sang a song so lovelySo carefree and so gayThat slowly all my troublesBegan to slip awayHe sang of far off placesOf laughter and of funIt seemed his very trillingBrought up the morning sunI stirred beneath the coversCrept slowly out of bedGently shut the windowAnd crushed his fucking head!I am NOT a morning person!!
• WOMAN"S POEM Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who"s not a creep, One who"s handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who"ll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he"s gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won"t be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who"ll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. MAN"S POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a pub and a golf course. This doesn"t rhyme and I don"t give a shit.
• My wife has started visiting a new hairdressers run by a Geordie girl.Today my wife asked for a "perm".The Geordie girl started, "I wandered lonely as a cloud..."
• HOW DID THE 7 DWARVES GET THEIR NAMES?Miss Snow White was a randy cow,And desperate for a fuck,So off she went into the woods,To try and get some luck.She"d almost given up looking,When she saw some chimney smoke,Then she stumbled on the cottage,And went in for a poke.Her clothes came off in seconds.And she"d just removed her pants,When seven dwarves came marching in,With a merry song and dance.Snow White just stood there speechless,And thought she was in heaven,Originally after one good shag,But now she could have seven.Straight away she took command,My fanny needs a lick!And when one dwarf moved forward,She said -You"d better drop your pick.So down he went onto all fours,And said -I ain"t licking that-,Not there, that is my arse-hole,You DOPEY little brat!-The next dwarf started blushing,Do we have to do it here?-Snow White said -Don"t be BASHFUL,Unless you"re a fucking queer-So reluctantly he whipped it out,To prove he was no fool.And Snow White gave a big -Heigh-Ho-.As she rode upon his tool.Now one dwarf wasn"t smiling.Cos he hadn"t had a sniff,And due to his impatience,He couldn"t raise a stiff.Relax- you GRUMPY bastard-,So he did as he was told,And as soon as he was hard enough,He shot his fuckin load.The next dwarf got a blow-job,And she took him deep quite easy,But she just avoided brain-damage,When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.With three dwarves left, she turned and said,You"re next, I want your knob!-But no sooner had he entered her,he was sleeping on the job.Wake up you SLEEPY bastard-She wanted more from him.he woke with such excitement,That he filled her hairy quim.The next dwarf rammed his up her,And shagged her fanny raw,A dazed Snow White then whimpered.That should be against the law.-He made poor Snow White tremble,He was so big and thick.No wonder you"re so HAPPY,With that fucking great big dick-With one dwarf still remaining,But feeling rather sore,She said -You"ll have to use your tongue,My twat can"t take no more!-So he put his tongue to work,Where others had placed their cocks,And "cos he made Snow White feel better,She named the last one DOC.So there"s the truth about the dwarves,And how they got their names,By satisfying Miss Snow White,And joining in her games.
• Spider spider on the wall,You think you"re smart, you know fuck all,You"ve climbed a wall that"s just been plastered,And now you"re stuck you stupid bastard.