Pills jokes

• Newsflash!!!Police have arrested a man for selling pills that will give you eternal youth. Records show that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.
• A bloke got his sleeping pills mixed up with his viagra ,ended up having 40 wanks.
• Did you hear about the guy who got his sleeping pills mixed up with his Viagra? He went to bed and had forty wanks.
• Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill."What was that?" The others asked her."Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a pill."What was that?" the others asked. "Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong." They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill."What was that?" the others asked her. "It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can"t get the arms right on this fucking sweater!"
• With all the spam we get for penis-enlargement pills you"d think by now someone would have invented a pill to shrink vaginas instead.
• What"s the difference between Smarties and sleeping pills?Maddy wasn"t allowed to have a whole pack of Smarties!
• A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn"t help.On his next visit the doctor gave him an injection, but that didn"t do any good.On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing, throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.""But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I"ll get pneumonia.""I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."
• One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?""They"re smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they"ll make you smarter."So he ate them and said, "these taste like shit.""See," said the other boy, "you"re getting smarter already."
• A man was prescribed some suppositories.A couple of days later he met his doctor in the street."I hope you"re taking your suppositories regularly, Mr Jones," says the doctor."What do you think I"ve been doing, sticking them up my fucking arse?"
• A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing. The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn"t even look at a cow. Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull. Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped. The farmer looked very pleased. "The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor"s cows! He"s been breeding just about everything in sight. He"s like a machine!" "Wow," said Banker Bill, "what did the vet do to that bull?" "Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer. "What kind of pills?" asked Banker Bill. "I don"t know, but they kind of taste like peppermint."