Paul mccartney jokes

• Why did Paul McCartney marry Heather Mills?Because she went down on one knee.
• Paul stood upon the grassy bank, His heart was all a-quiver,She took off her suspender belt, And her leg fell in the river.
• "Heather is a very special woman, she meant a lot to Paul, and it will be very difficult for somebody to fill her shoe."
• The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is:After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.Assuming he banged her every night during their 5 year relationship (and, being married men, we all know THAT doesn"t happen), it ends up costing him $26,849 per lay, not counting attorney"s fees and court costs.On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer"s call girl Kristen charges $4,000 an hour. Crazy, right?But...Had Paul McCartney employed Kristen for 5 years, he would"ve paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a savings of $41+million).Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, wide open menu, ability to put BOTH legs around you, no bitching and complaining or "to do" lists. Best of all, she leaves when you"re done, and comes back the next day, ready for another round. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.Is it just me, or is it better to rent?
• Paul McCartney bought his wife a new artificial leg for Christmas.It wasn"t her main present, it was just a stocking filler.
• Paul McCartney has bought his wife a plane for Christmas.But she"ll still use a razor on the other leg.
• I saw Paul McCartney today. I said "look on the bright side - at least you didn"t marry Yoko!"
• An African gold miner loses a leg in a terrible mining accident."Dammit, Who"s gonna want a one-legged gold digger now?" he moans."You can damn well count me out!" shouts Paul McCartney.
• I see it it didn"t take long for all the jokes about Paul McCartney and Heather Mills to start. Personally, I think it"s prosthetic.
• It"s hard to believe there was a time when Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were getting on. They opened our school sports day once. They bloody pissed the three legged race.