Paris jokes

• How could the Olympic Flame possibly go out in Paris?It must have had plenty of air from all those white flags waving about...
• I asked the girlfriend what she wanted for Valentines Day. She said that she wanted to be treated like a Princess.So I took her to Paris, got hammered on a night out, then crashed our car into a bridge support, killing her instantly.
• What Arctic Monkeys song do Prince William and Prince Harry sing about their mother?I bet you look good on the dashboard.
• Breaking News...The Olympic flame has gone out in Paris....just proves that she will stick anything up her cunt.
• Apparently, the Queen has reconciled her differences with Camilla Parker Bowles.She has even offered Camilla an all expenses paid trip to Paris with a car and chauffeur.
• Tremors from the Chinese earthquake were picked up as far away as Paris.Naturally the French Government issued their unconditional surrender
• Remember a few years ago all that fuss about the French testing atom bombs in the Pacific? Most of the world was dead against it, but the French insisted that it was OK. Strange, though, that they got very upset when the Algerians decided to test a few of their bombs in Paris.
• Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?So the Germans can march in the shade.
• An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously."Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn"t have to show it.""Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France !"The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.Then he quietly explained."Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Sword Beach on D- Day in June 1944, and I couldn"t find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to"
• How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?We don"t know, it hasn"t been tried yet.
• A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed."What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You"re 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, 2 black eyes and missing all his front teeth."What happened?", he asked."Oh Grandfather!", replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and he beat the crap out of me!""Oh dear!", replied the grandad. "Who did you go with?""Just some friends, why? Who did you go with?""Oh!" replied the grandad. "The Third Panzer Division."
• What"s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?Princess Diana wouldn"t be seen dead in a Skoda.
• Why don"t they have fireworks at Euro Disneyland Paris?Because every time they set them off the French try to surrender.