Parents jokes

• I blame my S&M fetish on my parents. Whenever they caught me watching them having sex, they would always go and spank me.
• I found a video of my parents having sex on their computer, I was sickened.But not a sickened as when I got a hard-on.
• My parents hated me as a child.One Christmas I opened my present to find an empty shoe box.They told me it was an action man deserter.
• When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.(Rodney Dangerfield)
• Celebrity parents everywhere have been congratulating Josef Fritzl on his unusual but successful attempt at forcing fame on his children.
• A girl is watching her father shower. She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!"
• The government have published a guide for parents that will help them spot the tell- tale signs that their son is a gang member,I could save them a lot of money here,by just asking the parents one question."Is your son black?"
• A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants."Well," he said, "I"ve been seeing this girl for a while and she"s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight"s "the" night. We"re having dinner with her parents, and then we"re going out. And I"ve got a feeling I"m gonna get lucky after that. Once she"s had me, she"ll want me all the time, so you"d better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
• What"s the worst thing about setting your cooker on fire?Telling her parents.
• A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we"re going up to our room for a little while."Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom. "Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who paddled our butts for sucking our thumbs."
• When I look at an emo, I don"t see one person, I see two disappointed parents.
• A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. In fact, he is so proud of himself and his ability to impregnate that he starts referring to his wife as "Mother of Six" despite her constant objections.One night, they get a chance to leave the kids behind with a sitter and go to a party. The man decides that it"s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"His wife, irritated by her husband"s lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you"re ready, Father of Four."
• After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can"t make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they"ll kill us." Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the man. "I have to...go" he said. "Well you can"t go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents" bedroom," she replied. "Use the kitchen sink." So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, "Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a kitchen towel?"